57) Right now, reading this, you've got TV or YouTube or a podcast on as background noise. You've also got one or two things you're doing in addition to reading this thread.

It never seems to be too much. It seems to HELP you focus, weirdly. https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1311341324314923010
58) Your desk space is built up vertically, so you can see everything. Shelves above your computer, or in easy reach.

Anything that goes into a drawer stops existing forever, until you open it.

Then you pick up each item in turn, re-acquaint yourself with the flood of memories.
59) You may not be able to remember a thing on your own - but when someone asks you, you have the answer close at hand.

Because them asking you is THEM operating the search function in your brain, which you don't really have control over.
60) You don't feel GOOD when you finish a project. What you feel is the TEMPORARY ABSENCE OF PRESSURE.

Relief, not joy.

(Our brains, btw, don't reward us like other brains do. We don't get the list-completion hit of dopamine)

Then we're sure we've forgotten something, and...
61) You can’t start on the paper, because it’s got too much mental inertia, and you can’t summon up the energy to do it. You CAN go over and fold your laundry, because that’s something you can get done with a clear start and end time, and you know all the steps of it.
61b) It’s procrastination, but maybe you’ll be able to roll the momentum from finishing the laundry into starting the paper.

Instead, you probably do another chore after.

Or just stare into space.

Or eat.

Or nap, and tell yourself that you can start it later.
62) You have a mountain of half-completed projects, because you work until the focus gets pulled to something else. Wonderful ideas – AMAZING IDEAS – which, because you’re only accountable to you, are sitting piled somewhere waiting for you to come back to them.
62) When you’re accountable to someone else, your AMAZING idea runs smack into the realities of deadlines and constraints, and it’s rare that you finish a project that is as grand as you imagined.

You're always paring down, not building up.
64) You cannot start one thing while waiting for another. Don’t sit down to browse twitter in the extra five minutes you have before going to work – you’ll do it for a half hour, because it’s DESIGNED to be interesting. Avoid waiting wherever you can; you aim to be early instead.
65) CW: Self-Abuse

You’ve spent time and energy, the night before a thing is due, sobbing about what a piece of shit you are because you have no idea why, AGAIN, you let it slide for this long. You’re JUST lazy, you’re JUST stupid, you JUST didn’t do the right thing, AGAIN.
66) You’re super susceptible to Thresholding; walking into a room (through a door) and forgetting why you came in.

(Our brains don't actually move things from short-term into long-term memory, and instead just keep fifty plates spinning at once. Some get dropped in transition.)
67) You also say yes to things because you are desperate for people to like you, to not reject you, because every time someone has chastised you for something you didn’t understand (talking too much, interrupting, etc) it has felt physically painful to you.
68) You get chastised for trying to clarify instructions. Teachers, bosses, or parents accuse you of talking back, or “being smart,” or say “stop getting hung up on that, just listen.”

Then you do what people tell you, but because their instructions were unclear you do it wrong.
68b) People will tell you a REASON to do a thing, and you’ll believe them and ALSO find a way to fulfill that reason even better, but it turns out that wasn’t THE reason, just A reason they were giving you.

Because they weren’t clear on WHY you were doing the thing...
68c) you end up giving them a result that fulfills WHAT THEY TOLD YOU but not WHAT THEY ACTUALLY WANTED.

This is true at work, but PARTICULARLY true in friend or romantic relationships. People will give you a reasoning that is designed to be gentle to you, instead of the Truth.
68d) You trust them, and act as though that reason is true. “I like you, but I can’t go out with a smoker” will make you consider quitting smoking, because you want to be with them – when you finally do, you’ll find out that that was a thing they said to let you down easy.
68e) This is compounded if you’re a straight/bi/pan man with ADHD – social cues are already hard, and power dynamics at play mean that it’s doubly hard for you to be aware of things invisible to you. A woman deflecting (which she does to protect herself) is taken at face value.
68f) If (when) it’s proven untrue, you feel hurt, confused, and betrayed.

That's real. That's valid.

Also consider, though: YOU DON’T HAVE IT WORSE THAN HER, SHE WAS SCARED YOU WOULD BE PHYSICALLY DANGEROUS TO HER.
Woof. Can you tell that that one was particularly emotionally fraught for me?

Let's go with a gentler one:

69) (nice) Everything has equal priority for you unless you spend time and energy to sort things into what is most and least important.
70) Tasks need to have specific steps to take, which are actionable, and given with clear instructions. Once you start down a chain of steps for a multi-step task, you find it difficult to pause or move on to something else.
70b) If your task at work is to “answer these e-mails,” and two of them require input from another person, you will have to struggle to “just save those for later” or leave the project half-done. You need to interrupt that person and get the answers now, THEN you can move on.
71) You have sobbed at least one of the following on the regular.

“That’s not what you said!”

“That’s not what I said!”

“Words mean things!”

“But that’s not what that means!”

“But that’s different!”
72) Someone “harmlessly” picking on you can absolutely fucking destroy you. Similarly, finding out you did something “wrong” or in a way that hurt or made more work for someone else is like physical pain.
72b) Being shitty to someone on purpose is one thing; finding out you were *accidentally* shitty to someone is so, so much worse. It’s one of the ways that Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria manifests; think of it like “Social Anxiety but After the Fact.”
72c) You fucked up, and everything is terrible forever, and if you had just known in advance you could have avoided it but now you can’t and it’s already happened and there’s no way to fix it and...
73) Shoutout to @ADHD_Alien: Having the trash can being inside a cabinet, with a lid you have to remove, adds extra steps, EACH OF WHICH IS A TASK WE MUST SEPERATELY MANAGE. A trash can in the open, with a foot pedal lid you can open while stepping up to the can, makes it ONE.
74) You're as bothered as me by the idea of this thread ending at 73 instead of 75.
75) You've seen yourself in this thread, or others by other people giving their lived experiences. You were something other than a disruptive white middle-class kid. https://twitter.com/TaliaTrilogy/status/1295448376553680898
Again, I can't diagnose you.

I *can*, however, show you the same path that lead to me getting the help I needed.

I'd recommend checking out the #NeurodiverseSquad #ADHD communicators:

@ADHD_Alien
@danidonovan
@blkgirllostkeys
@ADHDelaide
I'm lucky. I have the most studied kind of body - pills that are designed for my body work for it.

But even without those, just knowing myself more?

Just finally having the words to describe my existence?

I am so, so much better. https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1176288123468169216
It is entirely possible that you, like me, have been judging yourself for decades on impossible standards.

You've been a peregrine falcon, the fastest fucking animal that has EVER EXISTED,

And because you thought the only race that mattered was a footrace...?
You've been waddling *admirably* along a greyhound track, getting lapped by people you *can't imagine* being,

And judging yourself slow because of it.

And frankly, you deserve credit just for doing as well as you have in a world BUILT TO EXCLUDE YOU.

You waddled with PURPOSE.
I can't have the time back that I lost.

But goddamnit,

I can try to give it to you.
I'll end on this - I've had parents of #ADHD kids ask me what they should say to them, how they should work to be more there for them.

The idea that someone could have been there for me and wasn't will just destroy me, some days.

But here's my advice: https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1276672314352918528
Be good, y'all.

And ACTUALLY DRINK THAT WATER YOU POURED EARLIER WHEN I REMINDED YOU.

YOU GET NO CREDIT FOR JUST POURING IT, YOU MUST ALSO DRINK IT. /end
Playing crowd requests now: https://twitter.com/mit54321/status/1311745626691047425
Very much so - my lady friend and I will talk about our experiences; me with ADHD, and her with an anxiety disorder and likely on the spectrum.

And we'll go 80% of the way together,

And then twenty miles apart for the remainder. https://twitter.com/Aniente/status/1311746162186170373
Yuuuuuuuuup. https://twitter.com/Spwncar/status/1311749142146945024
Another viewpoint from someone who's perspective was really important for me seeing myself:

(also buy her books) https://twitter.com/blkgirllostkeys/status/1311691263045963776
I am almost positive my dad was undiagnosed.

One of the reasons I function as well as I do is because he fought tooth and nail for his coping mechanisms.

I got to stand on his shoulders. https://twitter.com/ItmustbeBunneez/status/1311750640859639809
Oh shit, I knew I was leaving one out!

76) You can easily do a chore *right now*. A one-step chore that someone asks you to do? Great! Done!

Faster than they expect, even!

But "hey, could you [xyz] while I'm out later?"

Oh god, that is my nightmare.
77) You are far more motivated by "this person wants this," or "this person will think better of me," or "this will help these people" than any kind of more tangible reward. https://twitter.com/CrankyOtter/status/1311760839180005377
78) Your tastes cycle, and the drop-off is QUICK.

You'll play minecraft every waking moment for [x] weeks, then you CAN'T open it again. Then it's Skyrim. Then it's Fallout. Then it's Flash games.

Or maybe it's with genres of music, or styles of podcast.
79) You have a hard time processing injustice. Things just ARE right or wrong. Nuance absolutely still exists for you, but

Sorry, cw: politics

You have a super hard time going along with the lesser of two evils, or making "necessary" sacrifices.
80) You are easily swept up in other peoples' moods.

You can be riding high, and then hear the wrong piece of information, and then you're in a depressive state.

It's not like it's happening for no reason; it's more that you don't have an anchor. You get blown every which way.
Now I'm going to try not to think of another, because then there will be 20 more.

/end for real, I hope.
Also quoting here because it's super goddamn relevant: https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1220209034982092800
If you liked this, maybe you'll like three amphetamine fueled days of me yelling about birds? https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1245188582685290499
... also, ready for a headcanon that is so obviously and immediately true that you can't imagine ever not believing it? https://twitter.com/fireh9lly/status/1311766844580212737
Literally all the time: https://twitter.com/alienmelona/status/1311772522895998976
Oh also, some TRUTH: https://twitter.com/ErynnBrook/status/1132526768315883520
As a capstone, to the people wondering if this is just me being "relatable"

If these behaviors were common and relatable, why would people act so surprised or put out when you did them?
You can follow @NomeDaBarbarian.
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