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5 years ago today I started as a full professor in Ingolstadt. Good moment to look back, perhaps?
The first year I was very unhappy.I felt overwhelmed. 2-3 new courses to prepare per semester. Only teaching & organizing, no research. Noone more senior to ask about hard decisions
The first year I was very unhappy.I felt overwhelmed. 2-3 new courses to prepare per semester. Only teaching & organizing, no research. Noone more senior to ask about hard decisions
There was a whole world of internal department politics I had no idea about. I made wrong decisions because I followed the advice of colleagues with other interests.
I was the youngest professor (29!) and felt like I had to prove everyone that I had earned this job. Didn't help that I was younger than some PhD students, or that colleagues said I looked like a student.
I had what I wanted - a tenured professorship in a place fitting our geographic preferences. I thought about quitting, thought about other jobs. I was closer to getting out of academia than at any point before.
What changed? I told two colleagues how overwhelmed I felt. One of them - who had been at the department a year longer than me - told me that he felt exactly the same. I thought that he was very well respected, well-liked by everyone, doing a great job.
It was so good to hear that he was struggling in the same way. We became friends. I also got to know other colleagues better (e.g. @JHogreve). Now, on most days, I love my job.
Others outside helped a lot as well. Especially my husband who listened to my desperation. My PhD supervisor Andreas. @ron_b_davies who told me over a beer (or several) that this is imposter syndrome and shared his thoughts.
I got little research done over the last 5 years, and fewer publications than I had hoped for. But I built up a new http://M.Sc . programme in Taxation that I'm proud of. I got a great team together at my chair. I got two large grants. I served as a vice dean.
I'm starting to see that publications aren't the only success measure. Other things - teaching well, cool study programs, policy discussion on Twitter - might have more impact. And hopefully at the end of this semester (sabbatical!) I'll also be happier about my research output!
