Read on Twitter
Woke up early this am to the news about @chrissyteigen & @johnlegend’s pregnancy loss. My heart aches for them and it hit me hard. Had to compartmentalize to get out the door and off to work. But those feelings rarely just go away so here we are...
It was almost exactly one year ago, while seven months pregnant, that I, like Teigen, suffered a massive hemorrhage and ended up on bedrest in the hospital. There were tears and transfusions. Doctors wanted me to remain hospitalized until our daughter was born.
Over the next few month and a half, I would end up bleeding several more times, including the morning our daughter was ultimately born healthy and strong at 37 weeks. But in between, there were many moments of anxiety and fear, shame and frustration.
Some of you know that we had two losses in 2016. One at 20 weeks and one at 8 weeks. I detailed the first one here: https://www.facebook.com/407843245967090/posts/1042513795833362/
Writing about the loss was therapeutic for me. It helped me move past the pain. Even so, my dad questioned my judgment about posting it. “You don’t have to share everything, Jennifer” he said. We agreed to disagree.
It’s important to remember that everyone grieves differently. And grief is an incredibly powerful emotion and emotion can be irrational. Hopefully, there is grace and kindness and forgiveness. From self and others.
We heard privately from many, many people who’d experienced something similar and were still struggling with their realities. I can only speak for us but knowing that we weren’t alone accelerated our healing process.
It’s ok to not understand why someone does something in the throes of grief. It’s ok to think “that’s not how I would behave” but if you’ve never been in that space, how can you honestly say? And even if you have, your blueprint for healing may be diff. One size doesn’t fit all.
I continue to talk about our pregnancy losses and challenges to help eliminate the stigma surrounding the topic. For way too long, couples - and women specifically - have carried that burden silently. And whether consciously or not, agonize over their own perceived inadequacies.
So instead of “I can’t believe they...” which is drenched in judgment & superiority & kicks people when they’re down, try “I might not handle it that way but I assume theyre doing the best they can.” Compassion & empathy are life vests when you’re drowning in unimaginable despair
