21) You have never participated in a draft process for a paper in your life.

You may have even faked a draft, writing a finished paper and then hand-writing a worse version of it.

You edit WHILE you're writing. Then you're happy with what you wrote. https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1259197710839627777
22) Oh, great point!

You'll save a thing to read later in another tab, and keep it there forever, not reading it, until you close all of your tabs in a great clearing out. https://twitter.com/gm_palmer/status/1311701662780796929
23) Similarly to the math thing above, while you don't always know the solution to a problem, you usually know how the solution is shaped.

Like, you can almost see the various parts of the problem, and the hole left by the thing that would solve them. Once you find something?
23 b.) You immediately just... know, somehow, that it'll solve the problem.

You're not really aware of each step of your problem solving process (most people are btw). You just get really aware at the problem. You think AT it really hard, not about it. Then the solution pops up.
24) You've always loved group work. Even when you wind up being the one doing most of it.

For some reason, you're more able to do things when people are around. You're easily distracted, sure, but suddenly it's like you have the ability to /do/ the work that's missing when solo.
25) You can't understand why people say that putting together IKEA furniture is hard.

It's... obvious? The instructions are clear? Everything just obviously makes sense?
26) You interrupt people, a lot. Or so they tell you. It seems like you're only talking when they pause, but it turns out they weren't done.
27) If someone says something wrong at the beginning of a thought, conversation, argument - you can't proceed past that. You need to correct or agree on that before you can move on to the next thing that follows from that.

If they make you just sit and listen? You're lost.
28) You were a gifted kid who never lived up to their potential, and now you have depression.

At uni, all of a sudden things weren't smooth anymore. It's like everyone else had tools you didn't have.

You let work pile up to finish in a heap, like you always do. Then didn't.
29) You doodle, draw, fidget, jiggle your leg, play with your pen, whatever, while listening. Otherwise you get too distracted.

When someone's talking to you, you can listen better if you're not making eye contact. If you're staring over their shoulder, or have your eyes closed.
30) Hell, just that one.

You close your eyes so you can listen better.
31) You do this.

Then, when you try to lead someone back through the chain of logic, you'll get distracted by a question.

And like every other conversation, it's suddenly down 12 different rabbit holes. https://twitter.com/PNWbibliophile/status/1311704065806458880
32) Conversations work best for you when there's a constant back and forward. No one person is talking for too long, and errors or confusion are addressed in the moment when they happened.

You have to regularly re-state the main point or goal of a convo to get back on track.
33) You do stuff like this, sometimes on your own.

For instance, it made no sense to me as a kid that when you breathe in, your belly caves in - it should go out!

So I taught myself deep diaphragm breathing, like a singer, at age seven. BECAUSE REASONS. https://twitter.com/scsmith4/status/1311705961288159233
34) You start a new game, or new book, or new hobby, or whatever, and it's an all-consuming thought. You go to work, and you NEED to get home to do it.

No guarantee you'll actually do so when you get home, because of your energy, or something else drawing your attention.
35) How easy/hard it is to do something depends on how it’s asked for. Someone just explaining their day to you drags on forever, but saying “I really need to vent about my day, could you listen for a bit? Don’t need feedback, except on one thing at the end” frees up your brain.
35b.) When they do that, the TASK is clear – whereas if you’re not primed, you’re spending the whole other conversation trying to find either

A) something that is interesting or
B) an actionable request.

You get distracted by listening, and then you can't listen.
36) People get super upset when you do this. https://twitter.com/TheSheDM/status/1311707502635937792
37) You have an "addictive personality." You drink too much soda or coffee. Strangely, it never seems to make you more awake, just less of a zombie.

Also never seems to keep you from falling asleep at night. As long as anxiety thoughts don't show up, you're out like a light.
38) Saying something out loud - examining it outside of your head - lets you problem-solve on it in weird ways.

Often, when you'll ask someone else for help on something, just you describing the problem will make the solution obvious. https://twitter.com/scsmith4/status/1311708180360069120
39) You're both very good at figuring out when someone is lying, and you somehow are trusting everyone to be telling the truth all the time.

You take what people say, especially about themselves and how they think, as given.

You're a good liar, and you hate that about yourself.
40) You can't understand why people will talk about movies like Inception as a mind fuck.

When people in sci-fi shows complain about temporal mechanics giving them a headache, it seems so cheesy.

The threads are... obvious? You just... SEE them. There. https://twitter.com/codesdnc/status/1311709038221164550
41) You've had someone tell you you can't have #ADHD, because you're too functional. https://twitter.com/SageNatural/status/1311708847698923521
I'm going to take a break here, get some food in me, and use this as a breathing moment for everyone.

Importantly: I AM NOT DIAGNOSING YOU. Much of what I'm talking about is common in folks with either ADHD, other attention or mood disorders, or on the spectrum.
And importantly - ADHD behaviors are still HUMAN BEHAVIORS.

While we feel like aliens, we're not. We're SUPER not.

We feel human things, just often... more so. https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1309138978138984448
And, again, my particular mental mix is not going to be yours.

I have chronic depression, ADHD, and likely PTSD - that last one is unfortunately more common than most realize, because the act of trying to fit into an artificially restricted definition of "Human" is traumatizing.
I grew up in environments which nurtured me in specific ways, and I have *no way of knowing* which behaviors are symptoms of which things, and also no way of knowing how they're impacting each other.

So. Huge caveats, all around.

Unclench your jaw, go drink some water.
Special 1.) You're going to do what I just did, which is say you're going to take a break, stop doing one thing, and then not get up.

You'll just stay there, distracted by something, and suddenly it's minutes or hours later.

ACTUALLY GETTING UP AND WALKING TO THE KITCHEN NOW.
Counterpoint: Perhaps a reason it's documented in coding, is because our brain type (diagnosed or otherwise) is over represented in coding, because it's a rule-heavy field without much necessary social intelligence, with interesting problems to chew on. https://twitter.com/AyaOrKai/status/1311721120647671808
Chicken. Egg. Who knows?

To my point, though: "ADHD" is just another way folks are. Tall people aren't more human than Short ones just b/c they can reach high shelves; it's just two valid ways for a human to be.

Tall people gotta duck, short people need footstools. That's all.
Back to it.

42) The more steps a process has, the harder it is, particularly if you've gotta do different steps in order in different places.

Tax stuff, the DMV, school paperwork - you LOVE filling out the paperwork, because it's like a puzzle, but the steps are exhausting.
43) You've found yourself staring at a chore you need to do - let's say dishes - and knowing you need to do it, and telling yourself to do it, and somehow not being able to move your arms and legs.

And then you just think about what a piece of shit you are for not doing it.
43b.) You will set up rules for yourself - "I can't do [thing I like] until I do [chore]," and you follow it.

But that doesn't actually motivate you to do the chore.

So instead you waste time mindlessly playing a flash game or watching youtube, that you don't even want to do.
Cw: food

Oven dinged. Pizza done. Iced coffee.

Shit yeah.

Go eat, if you haven't yet today and you need to, this thread will definitely still be here when you get back.
Ooof. Fuckin'... yeah. That's definitely how it feels sometimes.

Especially before you get a D/x, when you're pretty sure you're the problem. https://twitter.com/FickleFandoms/status/1311726032597196801
44) You don't get credit for things you're good at, because they came easily - you only deserve it if you had to work hard, after all.

You don't get credit for things that are hard for you, because they're simple things everyone can do - you can't get credit for that, after all.
45) You can easily take praise like "this was very well done."

You have no idea how to process praise like "you are very good at this."

Your work can be complimented, not you.
46) You can fall asleep anywhere. In the car, at a desk, wherever.

Except, often, for bed. Because there, your brain has nothing to process, and it starts devouring itself.
47) A teacher has said these exact words about you:

"If [x] would just put half of the energy into the rest of their work as they do into the things that are interesting to them, they'd be my best student."
48) You can’t choose what you're interested in. Things that interest you are like gravity wells for your focus. The more interesting it is, the more energy it takes to pull away. Listening to something that isn’t interesting is literally exhausting, even if it’s a topic you like.
48b) That includes a topic that normally interests you, being presented in a boring (for you) way.
49) Your ability to focus on things, be present, pay attention to social cues, or do work has an engine with a finite amount of gas. Listening to someone talk about their day takes the same reservoir of energy as taking part in a boring multi-step process. (Spoon Theory)
49b) Speaking of which, your unopened mail. Once you open it, you’ll have to do something about it – until you open it, it’s not real. You can’t just throw it away, because it’s MAIL, it’s IMPORTANT, but you also don’t have the mental energy to DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, and /
49c) it turns out the part of your brain that connects the will to do something to the motivation to do so (like a belt in an engine) just ISN’T FUCKING THERE. You don’t realize that it’s not there, because this is an easy thing that everyone can do.
49d) So instead you stare at the pile of unopened mail and think about what a piece of shit you are.

Replace mail with *literally any other chore*.
50) You "do your best work on a deadline." You're drawn to competition, and get called over competitive. You find relationships with a lot of passion... and conflict.

Because your brain turns Adrenaline into Dopamine. It's the only way you feel. https://twitter.com/azurelunatic/status/1311732647471669249
51) Time isn't real. https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1288551863919362048
52) You have high energy, and say yes to a lot of interesting projects.

And you've got the energy to do them! And it's great!

And then you find yourself swamped, out of energy, with a dozen things to do and no spoons to do them.

And you PROMISED yourself you wouldn't do this.
53) You have no idea how to estimate how much time a task will take. You're constantly leaving late because you realized belatedly you needed to feed the cat, go back for your keys, start the dishwasher.

You try to give yourself more buffers, but they never work.
54) You have no idea what it would be like for your brain to be quiet or empty. https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1248298844015616000
55) Time isn't real: Redux

Every single thing you've ever turned in has been started and finished last minute. https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1259197337127149568
56) You're terrible at code switching. You've only got one identity, yours, and MAYBE a good "out in public" mask.

But you can't switch easily between appropriate behaviors for different groups.

There's an important video to watch about that, here: https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1293768396882898944
57) Right now, reading this, you've got TV or YouTube or a podcast on as background noise. You've also got one or two things you're doing in addition to reading this thread.

It never seems to be too much. It seems to HELP you focus, weirdly. https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1311341324314923010
58) Your desk space is built up vertically, so you can see everything. Shelves above your computer, or in easy reach.

Anything that goes into a drawer stops existing forever, until you open it.

Then you pick up each item in turn, re-acquaint yourself with the flood of memories.
59) You may not be able to remember a thing on your own - but when someone asks you, you have the answer close at hand.

Because them asking you is THEM operating the search function in your brain, which you don't really have control over.
60) You don't feel GOOD when you finish a project. What you feel is the TEMPORARY ABSENCE OF PRESSURE.

Relief, not joy.

(Our brains, btw, don't reward us like other brains do. We don't get the list-completion hit of dopamine)

Then we're sure we've forgotten something, and...
61) You can’t start on the paper, because it’s got too much mental inertia, and you can’t summon up the energy to do it. You CAN go over and fold your laundry, because that’s something you can get done with a clear start and end time, and you know all the steps of it.
61b) It’s procrastination, but maybe you’ll be able to roll the momentum from finishing the laundry into starting the paper.

Instead, you probably do another chore after.

Or just stare into space.

Or eat.

Or nap, and tell yourself that you can start it later.
62) You have a mountain of half-completed projects, because you work until the focus gets pulled to something else. Wonderful ideas – AMAZING IDEAS – which, because you’re only accountable to you, are sitting piled somewhere waiting for you to come back to them.
62) When you’re accountable to someone else, your AMAZING idea runs smack into the realities of deadlines and constraints, and it’s rare that you finish a project that is as grand as you imagined.

You're always paring down, not building up.
64) You cannot start one thing while waiting for another. Don’t sit down to browse twitter in the extra five minutes you have before going to work – you’ll do it for a half hour, because it’s DESIGNED to be interesting. Avoid waiting wherever you can; you aim to be early instead.
65) CW: Self-Abuse

You’ve spent time and energy, the night before a thing is due, sobbing about what a piece of shit you are because you have no idea why, AGAIN, you let it slide for this long. You’re JUST lazy, you’re JUST stupid, you JUST didn’t do the right thing, AGAIN.
66) You’re super susceptible to Thresholding; walking into a room (through a door) and forgetting why you came in.

(Our brains don't actually move things from short-term into long-term memory, and instead just keep fifty plates spinning at once. Some get dropped in transition.)
67) You also say yes to things because you are desperate for people to like you, to not reject you, because every time someone has chastised you for something you didn’t understand (talking too much, interrupting, etc) it has felt physically painful to you.
68) You get chastised for trying to clarify instructions. Teachers, bosses, or parents accuse you of talking back, or “being smart,” or say “stop getting hung up on that, just listen.”

Then you do what people tell you, but because their instructions were unclear you do it wrong.
68b) People will tell you a REASON to do a thing, and you’ll believe them and ALSO find a way to fulfill that reason even better, but it turns out that wasn’t THE reason, just A reason they were giving you.

Because they weren’t clear on WHY you were doing the thing...
68c) you end up giving them a result that fulfills WHAT THEY TOLD YOU but not WHAT THEY ACTUALLY WANTED.

This is true at work, but PARTICULARLY true in friend or romantic relationships. People will give you a reasoning that is designed to be gentle to you, instead of the Truth.
68d) You trust them, and act as though that reason is true. “I like you, but I can’t go out with a smoker” will make you consider quitting smoking, because you want to be with them – when you finally do, you’ll find out that that was a thing they said to let you down easy.
68e) This is compounded if you’re a straight/bi/pan man with ADHD – social cues are already hard, and power dynamics at play mean that it’s doubly hard for you to be aware of things invisible to you. A woman deflecting (which she does to protect herself) is taken at face value.
68f) If (when) it’s proven untrue, you feel hurt, confused, and betrayed.

That's real. That's valid.

Also consider, though: YOU DON’T HAVE IT WORSE THAN HER, SHE WAS SCARED YOU WOULD BE PHYSICALLY DANGEROUS TO HER.
Woof. Can you tell that that one was particularly emotionally fraught for me?

Let's go with a gentler one:

69) (nice) Everything has equal priority for you unless you spend time and energy to sort things into what is most and least important.
70) Tasks need to have specific steps to take, which are actionable, and given with clear instructions. Once you start down a chain of steps for a multi-step task, you find it difficult to pause or move on to something else.
70b) If your task at work is to “answer these e-mails,” and two of them require input from another person, you will have to struggle to “just save those for later” or leave the project half-done. You need to interrupt that person and get the answers now, THEN you can move on.
71) You have sobbed at least one of the following on the regular.

“That’s not what you said!”

“That’s not what I said!”

“Words mean things!”

“But that’s not what that means!”

“But that’s different!”
72) Someone “harmlessly” picking on you can absolutely fucking destroy you. Similarly, finding out you did something “wrong” or in a way that hurt or made more work for someone else is like physical pain.
72b) Being shitty to someone on purpose is one thing; finding out you were *accidentally* shitty to someone is so, so much worse. It’s one of the ways that Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria manifests; think of it like “Social Anxiety but After the Fact.”
72c) You fucked up, and everything is terrible forever, and if you had just known in advance you could have avoided it but now you can’t and it’s already happened and there’s no way to fix it and...
73) Shoutout to @ADHD_Alien: Having the trash can being inside a cabinet, with a lid you have to remove, adds extra steps, EACH OF WHICH IS A TASK WE MUST SEPERATELY MANAGE. A trash can in the open, with a foot pedal lid you can open while stepping up to the can, makes it ONE.
74) You're as bothered as me by the idea of this thread ending at 73 instead of 75.
75) You've seen yourself in this thread, or others by other people giving their lived experiences. You were something other than a disruptive white middle-class kid. https://twitter.com/TaliaTrilogy/status/1295448376553680898
Again, I can't diagnose you.

I *can*, however, show you the same path that lead to me getting the help I needed.

I'd recommend checking out the #NeurodiverseSquad #ADHD communicators:

@ADHD_Alien
@danidonovan
@blkgirllostkeys
@ADHDelaide
I'm lucky. I have the most studied kind of body - pills that are designed for my body work for it.

But even without those, just knowing myself more?

Just finally having the words to describe my existence?

I am so, so much better. https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1176288123468169216
It is entirely possible that you, like me, have been judging yourself for decades on impossible standards.

You've been a peregrine falcon, the fastest fucking animal that has EVER EXISTED,

And because you thought the only race that mattered was a footrace...?
You've been waddling *admirably* along a greyhound track, getting lapped by people you *can't imagine* being,

And judging yourself slow because of it.

And frankly, you deserve credit just for doing as well as you have in a world BUILT TO EXCLUDE YOU.

You waddled with PURPOSE.
I can't have the time back that I lost.

But goddamnit,

I can try to give it to you.
I'll end on this - I've had parents of #ADHD kids ask me what they should say to them, how they should work to be more there for them.

The idea that someone could have been there for me and wasn't will just destroy me, some days.

But here's my advice: https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1276672314352918528
Be good, y'all.

And ACTUALLY DRINK THAT WATER YOU POURED EARLIER WHEN I REMINDED YOU.

YOU GET NO CREDIT FOR JUST POURING IT, YOU MUST ALSO DRINK IT. /end
Playing crowd requests now: https://twitter.com/mit54321/status/1311745626691047425
Very much so - my lady friend and I will talk about our experiences; me with ADHD, and her with an anxiety disorder and likely on the spectrum.

And we'll go 80% of the way together,

And then twenty miles apart for the remainder. https://twitter.com/Aniente/status/1311746162186170373
Yuuuuuuuuup. https://twitter.com/Spwncar/status/1311749142146945024
Another viewpoint from someone who's perspective was really important for me seeing myself:

(also buy her books) https://twitter.com/blkgirllostkeys/status/1311691263045963776
I am almost positive my dad was undiagnosed.

One of the reasons I function as well as I do is because he fought tooth and nail for his coping mechanisms.

I got to stand on his shoulders. https://twitter.com/ItmustbeBunneez/status/1311750640859639809
Oh shit, I knew I was leaving one out!

76) You can easily do a chore *right now*. A one-step chore that someone asks you to do? Great! Done!

Faster than they expect, even!

But "hey, could you [xyz] while I'm out later?"

Oh god, that is my nightmare.
77) You are far more motivated by "this person wants this," or "this person will think better of me," or "this will help these people" than any kind of more tangible reward. https://twitter.com/CrankyOtter/status/1311760839180005377
78) Your tastes cycle, and the drop-off is QUICK.

You'll play minecraft every waking moment for [x] weeks, then you CAN'T open it again. Then it's Skyrim. Then it's Fallout. Then it's Flash games.

Or maybe it's with genres of music, or styles of podcast.
79) You have a hard time processing injustice. Things just ARE right or wrong. Nuance absolutely still exists for you, but

Sorry, cw: politics

You have a super hard time going along with the lesser of two evils, or making "necessary" sacrifices.
80) You are easily swept up in other peoples' moods.

You can be riding high, and then hear the wrong piece of information, and then you're in a depressive state.

It's not like it's happening for no reason; it's more that you don't have an anchor. You get blown every which way.
Now I'm going to try not to think of another, because then there will be 20 more.

/end for real, I hope.
Also quoting here because it's super goddamn relevant: https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1220209034982092800
If you liked this, maybe you'll like three amphetamine fueled days of me yelling about birds? https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1245188582685290499
... also, ready for a headcanon that is so obviously and immediately true that you can't imagine ever not believing it? https://twitter.com/fireh9lly/status/1311766844580212737
Literally all the time: https://twitter.com/alienmelona/status/1311772522895998976
Oh also, some TRUTH: https://twitter.com/ErynnBrook/status/1132526768315883520
As a capstone, to the people wondering if this is just me being "relatable"

If these behaviors were common and relatable, why would people act so surprised or put out when you did them?
You can follow @NomeDaBarbarian.
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