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validation as communication: a thread
what is it?
validation was developed by Naomi Feil to help her interact meaningfully with folks who have dementia. the goal is to validate their reality even if it isn't your reality.
before this, the common practice was Reality Orientation which freq caused the folks distress.
validation was developed by Naomi Feil to help her interact meaningfully with folks who have dementia. the goal is to validate their reality even if it isn't your reality.
before this, the common practice was Reality Orientation which freq caused the folks distress.
so what?
i took a training seminar at my work to learn about this method of communication. we have to. my job loves this method and offers further in depth courses after the original, required training seminar.
afterward, i thought: hell, why is no one talking to me this way?
i took a training seminar at my work to learn about this method of communication. we have to. my job loves this method and offers further in depth courses after the original, required training seminar.
afterward, i thought: hell, why is no one talking to me this way?
so what? pt 2
in fact, the woman leading it asked, "when was the last time you were validated?" all of us were clueless. we practiced it on each other. it felt silly but it felt *good*
in fact, the woman leading it asked, "when was the last time you were validated?" all of us were clueless. we practiced it on each other. it felt silly but it felt *good*
intro
there are different rules for each of the respective phases of dementia, but they each have their own merits, so ill break it up the same way.
the main tip i have is to be sincere. if you're not sincere, you're going to sound a little condescending.
there are different rules for each of the respective phases of dementia, but they each have their own merits, so ill break it up the same way.
the main tip i have is to be sincere. if you're not sincere, you're going to sound a little condescending.
intro pt 2
so the keys of validation Respect, Empathy, Association, Centered, and Honesty. so these are the "key values" for approach.
respect and honesty are pretty self-explanitory. association will come later. so let's talk about what "centered" means.
so the keys of validation Respect, Empathy, Association, Centered, and Honesty. so these are the "key values" for approach.
respect and honesty are pretty self-explanitory. association will come later. so let's talk about what "centered" means.
centering
this just means that YOU are ready for the interaction. you're ready for anything. you're prepared. you're breathing correctly. you're focused on being with the person/people you're talking to.
im not kidding, do the breathing. do it. and then start the interaction.
this just means that YOU are ready for the interaction. you're ready for anything. you're prepared. you're breathing correctly. you're focused on being with the person/people you're talking to.
im not kidding, do the breathing. do it. and then start the interaction.
centering pt 2
you, essentially, need to make sure you CAN have this interaction. you need to be present but you need to have the fuel to empathize, show respect, and focus on this person.
it sounds more serious than what it is. its just grounding yourself.
you, essentially, need to make sure you CAN have this interaction. you need to be present but you need to have the fuel to empathize, show respect, and focus on this person.
it sounds more serious than what it is. its just grounding yourself.
centering pt 3
so breathe, name three things you know about that person, and then head right into that interaction with a warm greeting.
so breathe, name three things you know about that person, and then head right into that interaction with a warm greeting.
starting the interaction
always say some form of hello. use their name. ask how they are. but then, ask them something specific, and this can be theoretically anything.
it could be their shirt, a picture on the wall, a drink, a hobby, a job, a family member, anything!
always say some form of hello. use their name. ask how they are. but then, ask them something specific, and this can be theoretically anything.
it could be their shirt, a picture on the wall, a drink, a hobby, a job, a family member, anything!
starting the interaction
essentially, you're showing them you have listened in the past. that you're present now. ultimately, that you know them, that you care about them, and that you want to learn more about them.
believe it or not, in practice, it can throw some people off
essentially, you're showing them you have listened in the past. that you're present now. ultimately, that you know them, that you care about them, and that you want to learn more about them.
believe it or not, in practice, it can throw some people off
starting the interaction
with residents, its more of a "you know me? oh, wow! you're a safe person!"
but with people without dementia, it's more of a "you remembered that? you care about that? you want to hear me talk about it again?"
it's, ultimately, flattering.
with residents, its more of a "you know me? oh, wow! you're a safe person!"
but with people without dementia, it's more of a "you remembered that? you care about that? you want to hear me talk about it again?"
it's, ultimately, flattering.
side comment: people (mostly NT people but some ND people too) don't "check in" like this. it really helps when people show they are paying attention consistently. it's a check in. that's all. and it really seems to make my peers happy when i do it.
cont. the interaction
the conversation will guide itself from here. they should be asking you questions, too. or you should try to keep asking them until you guys find a "rhythm." sometimes you don't. thats okay, and after a few questions, it's fine to back down.
the conversation will guide itself from here. they should be asking you questions, too. or you should try to keep asking them until you guys find a "rhythm." sometimes you don't. thats okay, and after a few questions, it's fine to back down.
cont. the interaction
but here are some general tips--
rephrasing: shows your paying attention. also helps the other person understand you clearly. only use this for asking a question. just repeating what the other person is saying would be... odd.
but here are some general tips--
rephrasing: shows your paying attention. also helps the other person understand you clearly. only use this for asking a question. just repeating what the other person is saying would be... odd.
cont. the interaction
keep asking questions: if an otherwise good interaction is dying down, ask them about the last thing they said. don't ask "why" or "y/n" questions. this can be too intrustive or will lead to another dead end.
keep asking questions: if an otherwise good interaction is dying down, ask them about the last thing they said. don't ask "why" or "y/n" questions. this can be too intrustive or will lead to another dead end.
cont. the interaction
connect: talk about you!! but always tie it in to the conversation. usually, people love stories that show them they aren't alone. and a lot of times of youre using the rest of the tools, this is when they'll ask you questions in return.
connect: talk about you!! but always tie it in to the conversation. usually, people love stories that show them they aren't alone. and a lot of times of youre using the rest of the tools, this is when they'll ask you questions in return.
ending the interaction
this is a little simpler. explain where you have to go/be. thank the other person for their time/company. and say you'll see them again soon.
*don't tie yourself to an obligation!! don't say a specific time. not many people do but --
this is a little simpler. explain where you have to go/be. thank the other person for their time/company. and say you'll see them again soon.
*don't tie yourself to an obligation!! don't say a specific time. not many people do but --
ending the interaction
-- it could create a weird tension if you said you would "call them tomorrow" and you don't get around to it.
-- it could create a weird tension if you said you would "call them tomorrow" and you don't get around to it.
more:
now this probably sounds odd and obvious but really it works. my friend was very upset and i used the process. he cheered up/opened up in record timing. he was feeling SO good after our conversation.
the last note is: never accuse. never ask "why." mirror their energy.
now this probably sounds odd and obvious but really it works. my friend was very upset and i used the process. he cheered up/opened up in record timing. he was feeling SO good after our conversation.
the last note is: never accuse. never ask "why." mirror their energy.
more: never accuse anyone of being any type of dramatic or weird or dumb.
never ask "why" because it will either be too personal or it will be invalidating. (and stay away from the word "feel." it can quickly be used to invalidate a situaiton.)
never ask "why" because it will either be too personal or it will be invalidating. (and stay away from the word "feel." it can quickly be used to invalidate a situaiton.)
more: and mirror their emotions. the goal is to empathize with and respect, and communicate them. im not telling you to mask but do try to remain calm and serious if their sad.
*unless they ask for a joke! been there
*unless they ask for a joke! been there
conclusion
i just think people are really quick to avoid feelings and person-centered communication. (hence small talk and misunderstandings etc) so i thought this was interesting.
it's not a tactic i use all the time but it really helps people feel seen and heard and loved.
i just think people are really quick to avoid feelings and person-centered communication. (hence small talk and misunderstandings etc) so i thought this was interesting.
it's not a tactic i use all the time but it really helps people feel seen and heard and loved.
