Subtember is over. I had 2 goals this month. The first one was a public goal of subscribing to everyone that I follow. I accomplished that, and even included new people I met too. The 2nd goal was a private goal of mine to finally get 15 subs and unlock a 2nd emote. I failed. https://twitter.com/realOddio/status/1300747640980803584

In 2 years of streaming (minus the month off), it might actually be my worst month. This stuff just gets draining. I'm glad everyone I've met on Twitch seems to skyrocket right away, but after a while it gets hard to watch.

2 years is a long time for me to be where I'm at. It's not about numbers, it's about recognizing a plateau.

This is not a pity party and this is not a "woe is me" moment. This is just me being honest and candid. And if you don't know me by now, that's what I do.

Twitch starts to feel like a big popularity contest after a while. And lord knows I ain't never been the popular guy. In every facet of life I've been overlooked. So the idea of having to put on this show and be a bundle of joy 24/7 just to keep people there...gets heavy.

And it's not good for my mental health at all.

Juggling Twitch, YouTube, music, job, attempts at career growth, COVID, a senior dog, depression, lack of self esteem, body dysmorphia, and finances...once again, gets heavy.

I'm a human, and an artist. I feel. I'm passionate. And for the billionth time, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I'm a bad actor anyway.

This isn't a job to me. It's not about numbers. From the jump I've always said I just wanted to meet people that I can talk to about real life shit, video games, and music. To share joy, sorrow, and everything else. And have a safe place to do it.

Because I've never had that.

I've got a lot of thinking to do.