I'm an inherently kind person, but I'm not nice. To be kind means to show genuine respect for another person, that person's experiences, and that person's opinions. I'm unfailingly kind to others because my own views have changed drastically over the years.

To be nice, on the other hand, is a societal expectation that says one should always assume up front that the purpose another individual assigns to their encounter with you is to genuinely share who they are, what they have experienced, and why they hold the opinions they do.

The problem is, unkind people will explicitly use this societal expectation against kind people. Knowing you feel pressure to think the best of their intentions, they will lie directly to your face then demand that you understand it as a genuine effort at interpersonal dialogue.

We shouldn't assume others are lying, but we also shouldn't project onto others a kindness which they may not share. As Reagan said, "trust but verify." If a person is not open to an examination of not only their ideas but also their motives, they shouldn't be trusted.

This requires a vulnerability towards others that many, especially males, find exceedingly difficult, but vulnerability is a corrolary of giving and receiving love. Ironically, then, if we want a society based more on love, maybe it's time we stopped being so nice to one another.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.