TIL about the absolutely toxic term "hugboxing", the idea that trans people providing unconditional support for each others' appearance is bad because it doesn't help trans people pass. Well guess what... passing is bullshit!

The idea that there are objective traits that align to cisgender appearance is not only gross as fuck, it's demonstrably wrong. People fail to be read as their assigned gender all the time.

I know because I grew up often being read as female despite being AMAB. Malefailing was such a huge part of my childhood that it resulted in constant bullying and abuse. I've got some pretty heavy trauma as a result of it.

Before you go "being femme must be nice" consider what I'm actually saying here: Gendered traits are not objective. They're extremely fucking subjective. We have ample evidence of this. The fact that cis women get attacked by transphobes who think they're trans women is evidence.

Passing serves only one function: Being stealth so you can hide the fact that you're trans from bigots. It's a difficult reality to face, but by trying to pass, you're trying to conform to a cisnormative definition of gender so as to please the people who hate you.

I don't care if I take heat for this. I refuse to coddle those who hold passing as a gold standard because they don't want to see the reality that they're playing by the rules of transphobic bigots. Ironically, I'm gonna be accused of hugboxing for this stance.

Encouraging trans people to love themselves is not coddling. It's support. Trans people don't deserve to hate themselves just because bigots tell us to. The ones being lied to and told that that passing will save them from vile hatred of trans people are the ones being coddled.