“Hello M, understand you want to see me about people trafficking”

“Ah yes Bond. You see, the plan is to create a giant wave machine to swamp small boats”

“Dastardly. Goldfinger? Blofeld?”

“God no Bond, the Home Secretary. We need you to steal the waveomatic from General Kwang”

Incidentally, if you like comedy around Asylum Seekers and boats, and terrible government policy responses to them, nobody has ever done it better than these Australians, Clarke & Dawe, who did this sketch a *decade* ago:

Here's the thing about people crossing the Channel on small boats.

It's very dangerous for them, but not at all illegal, assuming they request asylum when they arrive (which 45k people did last year; roughly a third of the number who claimed in France or Germany, FYI).

Which means that there is a simple & humane solution to many of the boats: Set up a British asylum office in Calais & let people apply there, before sending them to the UK on proper ferries while their claims are processed.

Messes with the people trafficking business for sure.

Of course, that wouldn't stop asylum seekers rebuilding their lives in the UK.

So this solution is about what you think the problem is. If it's the boats and the attendant danger & stopping drownings in the channel, then this solution is great.

If you just don't like asylum seekers, despite them being legal & desperate... well it’s not so good at keeping people out.

Even if you worry about economic migrants, a humane asylum policy would also justify far more patrols & enforcement at sea (which also stops drownings)

And while we're on the subject: There is no legal requirement for asylum seekers to claim asylum in the first safe country they visit, and nor should their be. If my house burned down I wouldn't move in next door, or even with the family member geographically closest to me...

I'd move to the place most suitable for me to rebuild my life. It's the same if my country became unsafe for me, or anyone else in the world.

Ultimately, as we move into a more dangerous world, we’re going to have to have a proper sea border policy.

So put all the Bond villain bullshit in the bin, stop copying regimes that didn’t work like Australia & come up with something workable, legal and humane