1/Well I decided to try #HadesGame again when I wasn't sleep deprived and in mass amounts of pain - and with a controller since I found the keyboard setup to be torture if you have arthritis.

Fuck every single person who told me this game was amazing. Now let me tell you why.

2/Let's start with gameplay. It's mindless button mashing roguelike. It's the Binding of Isaac with better graphics. There is no skill required. If you have played any button masher ever you have played this game. Also it's laggy with suspect hit detection. There you go.

3/Let's get to the writing and characters. Be warned. I'm gonna be talking about this for a while because all of you talk about how amazing both of these are and - holy fuck - do you all owe me $25 for this shit. This is why I picked up the game and you all lied.

4/Let's start with Zagreus. I hate him so much. He has not a single likable trait. He is a whiny, petulant child who doesn't like his dad. That is it. Everybody is in love with him and I don't get it. I want to slap the douchey little fuckboy grin off his face.

5/And then there are the rest of the Greek Gods. I don't know how anyone who likes Greek mythology can stand this game. It shits on Greek myth. They just replaced their personalities with stereotypes from a teen sitcom. I want to beat the writers with a copy of the Odyssey.

6/In 3 hours I did not have a single interesting interaction. I did not encounter a single non-irritating character. I felt like I was back in high school with this game and it makes me want to scream. I hated high school the first time. Add in the class sections of Persona and -

7/this would be my hell.

There is no pay off for anything. There is no difficulty. There is no point to any of it. It is this maddening stress test designed to see how many particle effects you can stand before you stab someone in the neck with a pen.

8/I will only cover this last part briefly because I don't understand it at all. The thirst of this game's community. What the fuck guys? What is there to thirst over? What is going on?

Why is this game? What do you all see in this wreck of a game?