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Lwj is an upstanding man right. He is diligent in his studies, focused on his work, filial to his family. Too busy on those things that he- his social life suffered. He may or may not tried to socialize but the fact of the matter is that in his late teens, he doesn't even bother.
He can't understand the insults between friends. Shouldn't you care for each other? Why use words to hurt?
He can't imagine being so openly affectionate. Isn't it improper? What would others think when you hug someone out in the open? What would they tell your elders about you?
He can't imagine being so openly affectionate. Isn't it improper? What would others think when you hug someone out in the open? What would they tell your elders about you?
He cannot imagine ever starting the physical touches. Wouldn't it violate their personal space? Wouldn't it be unwelcome?
He cannot understand the easy flow of conversation. Conversations not related to cultivation. How do you keep up with those? How can they share so much? How can you even maintain the conversation without reaching mental fatigue from trying so hard?
How can you navigate the conversation without boring others? How can you let others listen to you?
He cannot understand the familiarity in which others converse for the first time. How can they be so at ease as strangers? How is that they can themselves friends so easily? How can they share so much about their lives, their dreams, and their fears?
Are there really no steps in friendship?
These were the thoughts that probably plagued him before. Until he realized they didn't matter because he'll be following the set path that his uncle and brother expects him to take. The path that will bring his family contentment to him achieve their goals.
Goals he internalized as his own for what is there to seek more of.
Not that I'm generalizing, asian families tend to set life and career goals to their children so early on that we had no choice but to follow you know. It's hard to disappoint your parents. You do things because they're expected from you. Maybe you do it a little too hard
that aspects of your life suffer but it wouldn't matter because they're not a part of The Plan. So now when you finally learn to think for yourself and gather enough courage to set your path, you're left lost and aching to go back to the comfort of that Set Path of The Plan
Wwx is a blessing to someone like Lwj. It's so hard to find someone who perseveres in getting to know you, who sees that there probably is more to you besides "good grades, good music, and good child"
It's hard to find someone who is patient enough to understand your struggles in the most basic things like socializing, who can understand you enough with your small verbal cues and even your nonverbal cues
It's scary being known but there is relief that you don't need to try so hard to be understood. That there is someone besides a brother who will see everything about you with a fresh set of eyes and who will like what they see.
I understand the fierce protectiveness over someone who understands you when no one else did, when no one else bothered trying to. I understand falling short in showing the care because you never learned how articulate yourself enough to clear misunderstandings
This thread was already probably talked about, hashed out, written about which now all boils down to the question "why do i even bother?" I'm just sharing to a void as always. And there is partial relief in that i think. In putting my feelings into words. In trying.
