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i just wasted an hour feeling paranoid about my online presence as if i& #39;m not a legal adult w nobody to answer to about my personal life, so i& #39;m gonna make a thread about why that is until i let it all out and feel better
when i was a kiddo, about 5th or 6th grade, i had a myspace that my stepdad very quickly found. i didn& #39;t know anything at the time about how to be sneaky, like deleting your history and stuff, and i wasn& #39;t even doing anything bad, i just wanted to look cool in front of my friends
in my bio or whatever i had put some really cringe edgy bs like "if ur sad call 1-800 i don& #39;t give a shit" and he yelled at me for that as if i& #39;d committed some unforgivable sin (he& #39;s a fundie pastor), told me "that& #39;s how sluts on the street talk" and went through my history
because he& #39;s a boomer who also didn& #39;t know how the internet worked at the time, he also yelled at me for nasty stuff he found on the bottom of other people& #39;s profiles that i hadn& #39;t even noticed myself, mind you these were older teens i was exposed to bc of church to begin with
it made me feel like such a disgusting person at a time when i was both going through puberty and just trying to fit in w everybody else, so the next day i wake up with this horrible, heavy feeling in my stomach, and of course he has to drive me to school
he looks at me and goes "you feel like crap, huh?" as if he got some joy out of it, so i said "not really" bc i obviously knew it wasn& #39;t fair, and he responded "oh, so you don& #39;t care."
long adolescence short, this dude and my mom ended up stalking me online, reading through my personal conversations, and isolating me from friends intermittently in this back and forth where they would repress and i& #39;d react by disobeying them even more
it ended up with me being sexually abused by an older teenager (again, who my parents put me in unnecessary contact with in the first place), and then being punished for that through xtian therapy, essentially drilling into my head that i was in a "cycle of sexual sin"