Mom never let us have gum, so, when I was 4, I stole some. Brought it home and offered some to my brother and @RepKatiePorter. She immediately ratted me out to my parents. I got a boot in the ass and a 30 mi trip to the store to apologize. If you’re wrong, she’s coming for ya.

I also had to use my Tooth Fairy money to pay for what I’d already eaten. We had amazing parents who were stern but fair. I still remember 36 years later.

Wait, I hadn’t lost any teeth by 4. It was the money Dad paid us for swatting flies. Thought I could cheat the system and rehydrate dead ones from the windowsill. Dad caught on real quick but appreciated my creativity. Going rate was a nickel a fly.

I suppose with inflation it would be a quarter a fly now. That’s how we entertained ourselves and earned money in our 2-story farmhouse with a single window air conditioner. It was that or “walking beans.” Cutting thistles was for punishment. Plenty of that, too.

So, @katieporteroc can appreciate what it’s like to grow up poor. We almost lost our farm in the early 80s and, without insurance, most certainly would have after I became septic and needed a temporary colostomy after a “routine appendectomy.” Mom had to quit working for 4 mo.

Thankfully, Dad had to quit farming and had a job as a loan officer at the bank so we had insurance. Both Jacob and I had our appendices out in 4 years (at age 10). Katie had hers out when she was running for office in 2018. Sure wish I owned Blue Cross.

Airtight y’all. The Porter family feud is on. Right now, it’s me vs Jake and Mom. Katie staying neutral. Guess I’ll have to text Dad who will likely say he can’t remember. Jake did get an MBA but I made a living off reviving the dead. I spritzed them in a plastic margarine tub.