Yesterday, I shared some thoughts on #JoyceEchaquan’s live streamed death. Since then many Indigenous folx, especially women & non-binary folx have been sharing specifics. And, maybe it’s time for this story...

Many of you know I have an amazing & beautiful son, Bear. /1

What many don’t know is Bear had a two vessel umbilical chord (2VC) (it’s also called a single umbilical artery or SUA) that was discovered rather early in my pregnancy (my first ultrasound). My family doctor did the right thing and he referred me to a specialist; /2

however, my experience w/ that specialist was what I consider to be medical racism. And, the majority of my pregnancy was ruined w/ fear.

If it wasn’t for the internet, my own research & my Auntie pushing me to listen to my gut I might have been swayed to terminate /3

my pregnancy as suggested multiple times w/ my first meeting w/ my specialist.

You see, 2VC or SUA is common. Actually, it’s the most common umbilical abnormality and affects 1 in 100 births (1%). And, in 75% of those cases the baby is just fine. /4

However, in 25% of cases the 2VC or SUA is indicative of another issue - or as it was presented to me “your baby is likely to have downs or in utero retardation. And do you really have the means to care for a baby like that?”

Those words are burned into my memory. /5

My whole family was aware of what I was told & were talking about it while they thought my Auntie, who was in the hospital w/ cancer was asleep. Or so they thought. She yelled at everyone for keeping secrets & for talking about me, not w/ me. She summoned me to the hospital. /6

I laid in her hospital bed w/ her & cried. Then we talked. And we researched. And then she asked the tough questions -

“Do you want this baby?”

“Will you love him even if he has special needs?”

If I wanted him & could love him the rest would fall into place. /7

And, as we laid there he kicked for her. And she squealed w/ delight. Her whole face lit up. And so did mine. And I had my answer.

When conveyed back to my specialist he acted inconvenienced. And, that’s where the real mistreatment began. /8

During my pregnancy, I was hospitalized twice & put on bed rest. I attended the high risk clinic 2-3 times a week to have my blood drawn & ultrasounds to monitor Bear’s growth.

There’s lots of micro aggressions & stories I could tell about this time but I want to focus on /9

this particular doctor. As, his treatment of me informed how nurses, med students etc. treated me.

At 34 weeks, 4 days I was told I was preeclamptic & it was too dangerous to continue my pregnancy and I was being induced. /10

By now, my scans showed Bear was okay. His growth, while on the smaller side was coming along. He didn’t show a heart defect or signs of Down’s Syndrome.

I had a birth plan in which included a natural birth w/o drugs; however, when admitted I was told in no uncertain terms /11

That I was emergent and as such if I wanted to have a “non retarded baby” I would do what I was told.

This included unnecessary examinations by medical students; having my water forcibly broken; not being allowed to move from my bed; being told I needed to have an epidural; /12

when I complained about not numbing out evenly remarks were made about my height/weight & my alcohol consumption tolerance and I was hand pumped additional drugs.

16 hours in I was told my labour wasn’t progressing & was given a deadline as if I was in control somehow. /13

By hour 18, I was told that the baby was having D cells & if I wanted my baby alive I’d have a c section. I agreed & before my partner could walk down the hall to tell my mother & step father I was being wheeled into the operating room. /14

To this day my sons father says he remembers the sound of my scream. I don’t. In fact, from here on out things are fuzzy.

My son was born 34 weeks 6 days, at 4 lbs 12 oz. He was immediately taken to the NICU.

The next two days I don’t remember. /15

I’m told I bled a lot. Nurses changed my bed and me frequently. I threw up for hours on end (a reaction to receiving an overdose of epidural medications). The pain was intense. More so when I threw up. But also parts of my body were numb (medication overdose side effect). /16

Two days later when I was up and walking nurses were wowed that I was up and moving. One confessed I had been in extremely rough shape and they were really worried about me.

My follow up appointments w/ the specialist were more of the same. /17

My concerns ignored & was told I was lucky to have a baby that was alive and healthy b/c of him.

After a month, both my son & I left the hospital. I was discharged after two weeks. We remained in an apartment inside the hospital until Bear was moved to the step down unit. /18

After several days in the step down unit we were cleared to go home.

If you’ve hung on this far, I promise I’m almost done. It took a long time to process, heal and articulate the impact of what happened. /19

It was years before I had full feeling in my body. I refuse anesthesia/pain meds stronger than Advil b/c I panic at how they make me feel which I have since learnt stems from PTSD. I will never have another child.

Now, of course I can’t prove any of this. I didn’t hit record.