The dispensations of power in African families is a convenient, oversold apologia for society’s sustained persecution of men and its desire to maintain the status quo. Where elderly fathers are dealt neglect by their children even as the latter spoil their mothers. It must stop!
You will forgive fathers for not devoting entire days to watching you drool & clapping every time you pooped. While mother was rocking you, father was searing his life away, a burn at a time, in the factories. That you might eat, nay live. But, no. It is peekaboo you needed most.
This ‘school’ of conjecture fails to appreciate the toll of economic inequality on the family structure. Dr. Greenwood says the transition from agricultural-based to industrial economies saw less men at home which was fodder for assortative mating: Men in factories, women at home
But we impose fault on African men. We say, they ruled with “an iron fist”. You went stealing chicken from your neighbor’s cooking pot but wanted a hug!?! Thank God he belted your little behind. Fathers are the gatekeepers of discipline. You'd be a woke corpse now: woke but dead.
Wanton neglect of the man, by his sons & daughters, isn't just African. Even in the west – where fathers are ‘less iron-fisted’, kids spend 40% less time & money on their fathers as compared to their mothers. It’s cool & woke to neglect men because nobody will notice.
You have crammed “5 love languages” to a fare-thee-well. You recite it like the Lord’s prayer to all and sundry. But where is the justice in allowing your spouse 5 love languages when you limited your fathers to one? And continue to judge them against that selfish demand?
Due axiomatic presupposition renders men monosyllabic. Listen more. When father brought beef home, when he woke up long before you did, & came back late – he was loving you. That he did not kiss your forehead is not proof of neglect. His stoicism was his presence.
And yes, women have taken up the mantle of providence in the wake of fleeing fathers. But we will not pretend that delegation of parental duties to housemaids has worked. Kids are even more insolent, what we color as “daring”. That is the toll of providence on familial presence.
So, spare us the senseless apologia, & give to fathers what you give to mothers. Good for the goose, good for the gander. You are an adult now. If you have a problem from the past, take it up with him. Adulthood is earned, not given. What you will not do, is neglect your fathers!
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