let's talk about Auditory Processing Disorder.

it's a condition approximately 50% of ADHDers have, and can make life very very difficult.

(currently proofreading and i'm sorry for how badly structured this thread is - i think i must still be half asleep lmao)

my auditory processing directly affects my phone call anxiety & i wish making appointments was more accessible.

i'm anxious that my hearing stops me understanding the other person, who ultimately gets angry & impatient with me. it prevents me seeking treatment a lot of the time.

my hearing has been investigated before and on paper it's pretty good.

in group settings, or in places where other noise is happening however, i can't hear a thing. someone will be talking to me barely 2 feet away and i can't understand them at all.

it was a nightmare when i was working in a pub as customers would very frequently get annoyed when i asked them to repeat their order three or four times before i eventually gave up out of embarrassment and had to guess what they were saying. i often got it wrong.

what i worry about the most is that if i don't address it, i won't be able to advance enough to have a career doing what i love. i'm a musician. i need to be able to process sounds properly. i'm inadequate in certain areas of study and my grades have suffered because of it.

no matter how much ear training i do, it still isnt enough to help in any meaningful way. my pitching and intonation is sloppy because i can't picture the sound i want to make and i can rarely tell the difference when my teacher tries to explain by demonstration

i've made it this far by guesswork and i can't do that forever. i'm still a student - i'm allowed to make mistakes, but once i enter the professional world these mistakes will get me fired and i'll be without a career, the very career i'm undertaking very specific training for.

APD is not a problem with hearing, sufferers can usually hear perfectly well. the problem lies in understanding and differentiating sounds

you may find it hard to understand different accents, fast talkers, spoken instructions, similar words (not an exhaustive list by any means)

APD is often not picked up in regular hearing tests as they are made for people with hearing loss or who are D/deaf and these tests aren't particularly useful or realistic for people with APD - unless you live your life in a small, silent box with a little headset.

i'm not diagnosed (yet) because there's very limited information out there that isnt for children, and i didn't think it was something i had so didn't know much about. i thought my poor hearing was down to bad listening skills caused by ADHD - i no longer think this is the case

ADHD medication has helped me a lot so far but i'm still at a loss with my hearing. in group conversations i deliberately zone out because the alternative is to ask people to repeat themselves over & over again, which kills the atmosphere and halts the flow of conversation

there is no real treatment for APD although there are strategies and tools which may help in some cases, including auditory training or earpieces where a microphone is worn by the speaker and the sound goes straight into the recipients ears - cutting out background noise.

causes of APD aren't very well known but it's believed that frequent ear infections, birth complications and genes may all play a part.

it's also very common in people with learning difficulties.

frustratingly, there's very limited information out there for adults - so i'm going to try and talk about it a lot more (i'm obviously not an expert though, but i'm going to share, and attempt to summarise what i find)

anyway, to conclude this very poorly structured thread - if APD is something you feel you might struggle with, you're very much not alone and if you'd like to chat about it feel free to DM me :)