I'm just spineless and insecure so I have no ability to stand up for myself so I just let myself get treated like crap and walked all over and I settle for less and I just don't know. It's hard to feel as if I deserve any better because I just don't like myself very much.

I hate how I act. I hate my body type. I hate my voice and my laugh. I hate my smile. I hate my financial situation. I hate how I walk. I hate how I think before I speak. I hate how I stutter so bad I just stop talking. I hate when I feel as if I can't talk.

I hate how loud I can be. I hate it feels like I am not taken seriously when I am too quiet. I hate how I feel like I am only ever average at everything I do. I hate how it feels like I'll never get out of this rut. I hate my inability to show my friends I care.

I hate how I really do like compliments and hugs and affection and all of that but I receive it to poorly. I hate how mom left and, even though I have my stepmom, it feels like there will always be this hole. I hate how I look more like her than I do my dad.

I hate how I feel as if my friends secretly can't stand me. I feel insecure because I feel as if I am annoying and I never shut up about the same old crap. I hate how I'm boring and unremarkable. I hate how I feel like I need to be productive to matter.

I hate how I feel as if I am not progressing. I just hate feeling as if I am fucking helpless at times.

I really hope there is more than this. I hope that I really do feel better than this. I hope I one day actually feel confident in who I am and what I look like.

This thread is a mess but I really needed somewhere to throw this and most of my tweets get zero engagement so this is a safe space bye