”Dear Ife,

I'm a full bodied woman and have been since I hit puberty. Because of my particular dimensions, I've always attracted a lot of attention and it makes me very self conscious; especially at work. Even though many people describe me nicely, using words like "curvy",

"bootylicious"  I sometimes suffer low self confidence because all I see is 'fat and ugly.’ Being who I am (an otherwise confident professional woman), I mask this particular complex well.

Yesterday, I had to make a virtual recital (not musical oh) to the company.

This was something very important and special to me and I was full of nerves. I'm quite camera shy as I generally don't photograph well at all - there are very few pictures that I look nice in, make up or no make up.

I was even more self conscious yesterday because when I did a preview, my neck rolls, which have always been there; no matter how big or slim I get, stood out to me and I tried to sit in different angles, so they won't be so obvious.

It was time for my recital. I had a bit of a shaky start, but I got into it and based on feedback, I killed it. Shortly after the recital, I picked up my phone to ask my sister-friends from work who were online how I looked / performed,

and I saw a message from a Male friend at work. 

This friend is at least 2 clear levels ahead of me and generally outspoken. His message was a zoomed in photo of just my neck. Nothing else. Kai!! Ife, I felt like running away and crying. So I did what I usually do,

I simply replied "LOL! Thank you" and I left it at that. But I thought about it all through. I even asked my friends if I looked foolish or silly and my girls hyped me so bad!!! My brain was bursting! In fact, I told them that issokay and they said NOO, and continued the hailing.

This left such a glow within me.

Still, all I could think about was that one message. Oh, before I even replied, I deleted the message, because I couldn't bear to be "haunted" by it.

Later, I became more upset with myself for my response: "LOL! Thank you.”

Imagine?!

I woke up unhappy with myself. I should not have LOLed it away; what he did was at best unkind. So, I mustered the courage to send him a message and did so. I'd just send you a screen shot of our exchange, instead of reproducing here.

I feel very happy and proud of myself for mustering up the courage to tell him his message was unkind and to ask him not to do it to anyone else. We "strong women" tend to speak about standing up for ourselves and speaking up in abstract,

and when we find ourselves in situations that require us to do so, we freeze or remain amenable, even when we want to rail against the person who has hurt us or wronged us. In fact, we sometimes apologise for being hurt or upset. It's worse when you're a professional,

because you want to do everything to avoid being labelled as "sensitive" or "irrational". Well, I'm a rational, sensitive woman. I have feelings and I get hurt. Big Bloody Deal!!

So, this is my encouragement to all the women out there.... If something hurts,

upsets or just rubs you off the wrong way, speak up about it. Even if you don't address it immediately, you can address it afterwards; and it doesn't have to be a fight or quarrel. Simply speak your mind in a calm and respectful manner and move on.

Sometimes your message will be accepted well, sometimes it won’t, at the least, you won’t go around with a heavy heart and important words unsaid.”

#DANG