forgiveness allows you to free yourself from their actions and this is what i mean by that. (thread)

we often like to think forgiveness is something we give to another, but forgiveness is something you give to yourself. by thinking we “give” it to another, we wave this “card of forgiveness” as i like to call it, in someone’s face. we hold onto this card as if it gives us power

we hold onto it as a means to reclaim a part of us we lost. to reclaim power and control. we think by holding onto our forgiveness, holding resentment.. that we have a leg up on them and they will never be able to do right by us because weeeee have the carddd of forgiveness.

in reality, holding onto these feelings and remaining fixated on the past.. fixated on what they did.. you remain controlled by their actions. their actions continue to cause you pain, turmoil, and instability. in holding onto that card, you can drive yourself crazy.

forgiveness is about releasing those feelings FOR YOU. not for them. the reality is that our feelings may not make them change. our resentments may not make them change but we think our pain will if we just hold “forgiveness” over their head and say “i’ll never forgive you”

but when you hold onto that card of forgiveness, you hold onto their actions and try to MAKE them be accountable. but that isn’t your job. they did the deed. not you. it isn’t your responsibility to fix, control or force this person to be better w/ your lack of forgiveness

holding onto that only keeps you in the space you were in. trying to hold them up prevents you from walking free. you’re still holding yourself to their actions and you do not have to carry that burden. typically we hold on to their actions to try and protect oneself.

typically it’s to claim mental power over a situation that left you feeling emotionally or physically powerless. recognize that you were in that position where you felt vulnerable and you don’t have to subconsciously fight to prove your power+

your strength or your mental hold on something. subconsciously fighting to protect yourself by holding this forgiveness card over someone else’s head is only keeping you mentally engaged with their actions. it doesn’t allow you to move forward. forgiveness is about YOU moving +

forward and it is a silent process. forgiveness isn’t saying “I forgive you.” forgiveness isn’t forgetting what they did. it isn’t excusing what they did. it isn’t letting them back into your life. it isn’t not feeling anything. you have the right to be pissed.

but forgiveness means you release. free yourself of their actions. their actions are theirs. you do not have to hold onto it in order to hold them accountable. that’s not your job. your job is to be a healthier you. take what you learned from the situation & move thru the emotion