Read on Twitter
Really tired of the ableist idea that if I'm in a relationship (romantic or otherwise), I must always be the one receiving care and the other person must always be providing care to me
I spent so long to even start to unlearn this about myself, and the years of thinking that I was a burden on those I cared about definitely affected both my relationships and my mental health
I was also briefly in a relationship with someone who was frequently more disabled than me in many ways, and the assumption that I would always provide care was just as toxic and ultimately what ended our relationship
And now, still, I sometimes have to argue with my loved ones that I want to help them, too, and that using my admittedly limited energy on caring for them is my choice and something I want to do
Also heck I miss Corey right now, because they definitely would have very good things to add here, because I know it's something they struggled with too
Thinking again about how accepting help is a form of intimacy and trust https://twitter.com/UntoNuggan/status/1308117406619926528?s=19
@MiaMingus has also written about this and coined the term "access intimacy" https://leavingevidence.wordpress.com/2011/05/05/access-intimacy-the-missing-link/
[bad therapy]
Anyway I really wish more therapists would get up to date on things disabled people are talking about
Because interdependence is such an important concept that is missing from a lot of therapy
Anyway I really wish more therapists would get up to date on things disabled people are talking about
Because interdependence is such an important concept that is missing from a lot of therapy
Interdependence, briefly, is the idea that none of us are truly independent or self sufficient, and we rely on each other to both provide and receive help
More on this here https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/independence-is-an-ableist-myth-unlocking-the-power-of-community-in-healing/
More on this here https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/independence-is-an-ableist-myth-unlocking-the-power-of-community-in-healing/
And I just want to pause to note that while the term interdependence is new, the idea is not, and is in fact central to many cultures (but not so much the toxic one that came out of settler colonialism and white supremacy)
Anyway my number one tip for helping other people is to think of a couple things you can provide (e.g. financial help, venting space, cat photos) and offer them
And also, if you're close to someone, ask what help they need
But always, always with consent
And also, if you're close to someone, ask what help they need
But always, always with consent
[bad therapy]
Yup I have had therapists who insist it's codependent for me to body double for a loved one with executive dysfunction as though that's not just... playing to our mutual strengths https://twitter.com/JentoInfinity/status/1311040993555353605?s=19
Yup I have had therapists who insist it's codependent for me to body double for a loved one with executive dysfunction as though that's not just... playing to our mutual strengths https://twitter.com/JentoInfinity/status/1311040993555353605?s=19
In my experience, codependency is worst when people aren't willing to share their needs because of fear of hurting the other person, then get resentful their needs aren't being met
Which can easily happen if people see a disabled person as always receiving care, not giving it
Which can easily happen if people see a disabled person as always receiving care, not giving it
Anyway much thanks to @BurlyFox for helping me figure a lot of this out and articulate it
And also hugging me every time I get really depressed and insist they should leave me because I'm a "burden"
And also hugging me every time I get really depressed and insist they should leave me because I'm a "burden"
Being able to ask a loved one for what you need, and being able to tell a loved one when you can't provide what they need right now, is god tier relationship skills
So much tenderness and trust
So much tenderness and trust
No one should have to forever be "the strong one"
