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I came up with so many random examples, I had to pause to think about what they all had in common and it's that they were all self initiated. Not having to ask for what I want and then getting it is the best thing ever. It's also the worst because nobody is a mind reader. https://twitter.com/Thetinnie_/status/1310615764970475520
I've become really good at asking for what I want cos the things I like tend to be really specific & there's no point getting mad at anyone for not getting it cos human being, not magician. But I don't want to have to ask cos it's worth a thousand times more when it's not my idea
So I'm not mad if I don't get it. And I'm over the moon if I do. Took me a long time to figure this out & I'm super glad I clocked it cos I used to get so mad at needing to ask for what I wanted. What I want the most is to not have to ask for what I want. How do you ask for that?
And I used to not want to explain it cos I thought I was doing too much and it made me a difficult person to love but I've learned better now. I like what I like. My needs are valid. I deserve. I'm not extra. I'm just fine.
Self awareness is so sweet a thing to have. I loveet.
Self awareness is so sweet a thing to have. I loveet.
For example, I like the thought behind gifts more than the gift itself. So if I get something, I might not open it, which might make the person think I don't like it. I do. I just like having things to open on days I don't feel so good, so I leave things unopened on purpose.
There's no way to get such a specific need met without first understanding it & then maybe articulating it to a loved one. "I like the feeling of that you got me something more than the thing you actually bought." what does that even mean?
I have presents from my birthday last year I've not even opened. I guess cos my "not so good days" are few and far between. But I look at them and feel so happy that all these people bought me presents. One day, I'll finish opening them. There's no rush 
Like when people send me Chocomilo. There's more Chocomilo in my pantry than I can finish this year. And there's plenty in the African store if I ever run out. But that feeling when someone goes to Naija and thinks of me, or has someone coming & they send it? I so much loveet!
So my thank you isn't really for the Chocomilo. It's for thinking about me & making an effort to do something you know would bring me happiness. And it's a thousand times more valuable cos you self initiated it than if I asked for it. Cos I don't really need Chocomilo. I'm good.
My actual unmet need isn't something I can ask for. Because if I have to ask for it, then it's not really the need being met anymore, is it?
That's why I make sure that when that need is met, you know all about how big of a deal it is to me because there's really no way to ask.
That's why I make sure that when that need is met, you know all about how big of a deal it is to me because there's really no way to ask.
