As well as being a parent, a Gaeilgeoir and someone who is chronically incapable of finishing long Twitter threads, I am also trans. With my last day ag tiomáint, I wanted to share my experience of what that's like.

Ar dtús, what does it mean? Well, when I was born, the doctors looked at what I had between my legs and pronounced “It’s a boy!”. But as I grew up I found it more and more difficult to fit the expectations that came along with that.

Being a boy didn’t come naturally to me. When I did things that *did* come nádúrtha, I was called “sissy” (agus other less nice focail). This was Ireland in the early 90’s. Homosexuality was still illegal, and Virgin Megastore was taken to court for selling condoms.

I had no notion of daoine trasinscneach back then. The first transgender person I ever heard of was Hayley Cropper on Coronoation Street. Considering when it was written, Hayley’s story is very thoughtful; her gender identity was not the most important thing about her.

As I got older, I often thought “I’d love to be a girl, who wouldn’t?”. I also described myself as “a teenage lesbian *trapped* in a boy’s body”. I grew more and more uncomfortable in my body. I didn’t have any teanga or examples to explore these thoughts.

I felt *uafásach* about my body. I was convinced I was *really* fat. Looking back at photos now, I was a little chubby, but I felt cartoonishly large. This feeling of hating my body has been a constant theme in my life since puberty.

I found myself drawn to queer spaces - I had loads of cairde aiteach, I volunteered at the Dublin @GayTheatre Festival, and I always felt most comfortable in these spaces. I thought of myself as "the token cis-het".

There has been more visibility of trans people in the world in the last 10 years. Laverne Cox’s story line in #OrangeIsTheNewBlack affected me deeply. In 2017, we moved to Seattle, and I became good friends with a trans person.

I felt super close to them, even though we didn’t have a lot in common on paper. But we clicked, and I always felt like I got them and they got me.

When we returned to Ireland, I got involved in #RepealedThe8th. This was the first time in my life I’d been primarily around women. I had gone to an all boys school, I studied computer science and I work in tech. Ba mhór an athrú é!

It was an awakening for me. I felt like I could *breathe* for the first time. I felt so light. But I also felt like an impostor. I was working with women every day, and I wanted to scream “I’m one of you too!”, but ní raibh mé reidh for that realisation.

By that stage, I thought I had a good tuiscint of trans issues. I thought that if I were trans, surely I would have realised before I was 30, áfach. I had a wife, a home and a job, and I was worried what transitioning would mean for all of those - imní mór.

It got to a point last year where I just couldn’t ignore the signs anymore. I found some safe places to experiment with using a feminine name and pronouns (online, and at home). I can’t describe how I felt (ach déanfaidh mé mo dhícheall - I'll try my best).

It was like a weight lifted from my shoulders. It was as if I’d been hearing a fuaim íseal (nó tinnitus) for years which had suddenly gone silent. It was like putting on glasses for the first time. I also explained how to pronounce Niamh for the first (and not the last) time.

I shaved my legs, and I realised that it is possible to look at part of your body and feel happiness instead of disgust or apathy. I tried on a gúna and realised that I didn’t hate who I saw in the mirror. For the first time in more than 20 years.

The dress wasn't even that nice! Digression - I have since acquired a rather gorge dress from https://www.popsyclothing.co.uk/ , as recommended by @sorobotic. TÁ PÓCA ANN!

Slowly I started coming out to friends and they were super supportive. I’m very lucky, but in retrospect, I realise that I’d cut out any friends who were homophobic years ago.

In March, as we moved into lockdown, and I started working from home, I realised there was no need for me to present as male any more. Soon after that, I came out at work and - an rus is tábhachtaí - on Twitter https://twitter.com/irokie/status/1276859444396199938

I have had nothing but support from the people around me, but not everyone is so lucky. @teni_tweets do phenomenal work supporting and advocating for all trans people in Ireland, and could use any support you can lend.

I’m going to take a sos beag, but I do want to come back and share a little bit of the learnings, experiences and realisations I’ve had since coming out.