I'm annoyed that we have to keep saying this, but: wanting a cure for your own disability is not "internalized ableism", and this recurring Discourse Point is just recycled "pain is virtue" Puritanism.

The "wanting a cure is internalized ableism" discourse reminds me a lot of the "wanting to transition as a trans man is internalized misogyny" bullshit.

They're both the "liberal/left" version of the right's "This is the body God gave you and it's a sin to change it." Fuck off.

I get one body in this lifetime. If I want to customize it to my wants, needs, desires, and comfort, that's my goshdang right. I'm not **bigoted against myself** for maximizing my own happiness.

Also, to be very clear: It's valid to NOT want a cure for your disability. I have several disabilities that I have no desire to cure.

But a lot of folks, particularly a lot of chronic pain folks, keep being told that wanting to not be in pain makes them bigoted and bad.

If I seem cranky around this topic, I'm sorry. It's just that we have this discourse every month or so, and it's just so incredibly cruel to tell people who are in terrible pain that their desire to not be in pain makes them a bad member of their community.

[TW: self harm] I think a lot of folks maybe don't understand that a lot of pain patients grapple with suicidal thoughts and impulses *because* we're in unbearable pain.

[TW: self harm] People get confused and ask how my pain meds "keep me alive" when I talk about opioid access. They think "keep me alive" means they keep my heart beating and without meds it would stop. They don't understand I mean "keep me from killing myself".

[TW: self harm] And I rarely feel safe clearing up the confusion because I don't want to be locked down by Twitter as a self harm risk when I'm just trying to educate people. So we talk in circles.

I don't want to be constantly in unbearable pain. I don't want to have to constantly manage my pain.

I would like a shiny new cyborg spine that lets me live my life without pain and without having to take pain meds every couple of hours. That would be a huge life improvement.

And I don't really understand where the value is in gatekeeping people who feel this way and telling us we're bad disableds for wanting to improve the only life we have.