I am an abolitionist who wants everyone talking abolition to answer one question: what do you do when a woman is being stalked by a man who has already raped the kids and will likely kill her.

Unacceptable answer: "Well the police will murder her too"

We know.

So what then?

Unacceptable answer: "Well if she's privileged she will be fine"

Wrong, disqualified.

Unacceptable answer: "Well if she's not privileged, she doesn't want police"

Not always true, and even if true what then?

Unacceptable answer: "Well, we should try restorative justice"

Restorative justice can be an approach in some cases.

Not in this one though, it's a murder risk
Also restorative justice is NOT our call, it's hers.

This is not a subtweet or having a go.

This is me trying to highlight the difference between;

-how people with lived experience of DV and police brutality talk abolition
-how lots of people without that experience often talk abolition online.

Unacceptable answer: "Well, we should have community support, not prisons"

Totally.

Which community?
What about abusers within communities?
Victims with no community?
Do you mean a local community or the state?

None of these are really unacceptable answers btw .

What is unacceptable is the volume of people with no lived experience, who throw these "suggestions" out about other people in danger, but don't have any real commitment beyond that.

Unacceptable answer: She should leave.

Uh, leaving is a major murder risk period.
Leaving can place you in further danger.

Why haven't you done your homework before commenting on people in real danger?

What do you know about alternatives?

Unacceptable answer: "I am a survivor and I don't think punitive measures work"

Good, OK, I respect that.

Doesn't answer the question though.
Being a survivor also does not give me the right to control another woman who is trying to escape murder.

I am not trying to be negative or triggering here.

I'm just tweeting these, because I've heard them a lot.
I've heard them mostly from people who mean well, but they have no longer term commitment to either abolition or DV support work.

So, I just want you to imagine you are the person:

-being called by someone whose dangerous ex IS stalking them
-they don't have infinite resources for safe refuge
-they will LIKELY be assaulted or charged by police too.

Because that's the reality of DV support

I don't have the answers either, btw.

But I can think of some I haven't mentioned and so could most people doing DV support work and abolition work.

If you can't, maybe go learn.