Thread by @bennley, I’ve been seeing a lot of negative talk on the TL about [...]

I’ve been seeing a lot of negative talk on the TL about demisexuality so I wanted to talk about some things about being

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What does it mean to be demisexual?

Demisexual falls under the asexual or ace umbrella. It can mean some varying things for different people (ace is a spectrum, y’all!)
In a general sense, it means someone who is demisexual is not sexually attracted to someone they do not have

a close emotional bond with.

For me personally, this is exactly the case. A few years back I started having ncmos and casual hookups. I spent so many nights laying awake thinking there was something wrong with me because regardless of who it was with or what we were doing, I

was never sexually aroused.

Side note: sometimes your body can physically be aroused because of stimulation but mentally you are not aroused. Demisexual and many other people on the ace spectrum can have this happen and feel this way!

I just kept ncmo’ing people thinking one

day it would just click and it would be that hot and sexy make out session all my friends and roommates seemed to love with casual hookups.

Was I broken? Was there something wrong with me? Would I ever feel that way with anyone? Would I ever understand and experience the

satisfaction people feel after ncmo’s and casual hookups?

I remember one day confiding n a good friend about this. He said “hey Abby you might be demisexual!”
It was something I had never heard of before! He briefly explained the best he could and as soon as I got home that

night I googled “demisexual”.

I stumbled I believe upon a subreddit for people just like me. People who felt the same way. People who experienced things I experienced. I’m pretty sure I cried reading through others experiences about being demisexual. It was a time I remember

as being one of THE MOST validating things I have ever experienced in my life.

I AM normal. There is NOT something wrong with me. I AM a little different AND THAT IS OKAY

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now some of you may be thinking, wait! Aren’t you married? How does that work?
As I explained before, as a demisexual I do feel sexual attraction to those who I have a close emotional bond with. There’s only been a handful of people I have felt this way about in my life.

Little TMI but I want to add this because it’s an important part of being demisexual- I am very much sexually attracted to my husband! Being demisexual does not affect this in any way as we have a very close emotional bond. When we first started talking I thought he was cute! But

definitely was not feeling that sexual attraction towards him at the time. We also talked online for a month or so before we met irl.

This thread is a little jumbled and I apologize! Another thing about being demisexual is you may or may not find other people attractive in a

Non-sexual way. if you are my friend, congratulations! I probably think you are cute!
thinking someone is cute, hot, beautiful, handsome, etc does not have to mean you are sexually attracted to them.

Another thing many demisexuals, but not all, experience is not being able to

relate to conversations with friends along the lines of “oh he’s my celebrity crush! I’d smash if I could” or “my celebrity crush is so hot, I bet she’s good in bed”.
Many demisexual people have a hard time relating to topics like these because we do not feel sexual attraction

to those we do not have an emotional bond with! This is something I always had a hard time relating to. I’ve always thought people were attractive in a sort of aesthetic sense and I’ve even had little crushes on people I didn’t know well. I’d never want to sleep with them though!

people like Zoe Kravitz and Zendaya and others are so so so incredibly beautiful to me!!!!! I would never want to sleep (even when I was single!) with them or make out with them or anything like that. I don’t know them. They’re just nice to look at.

I’ve been wanting to tweet a thread like this for a while and some invalidating comments about demisexuals really inspired me to do it now because so many people are so terribly misinformed, hurtful, and hateful about something they don’t understand.
The asexual spectrum can be

difficult to understand if it’s not something youre on yourself. Another HUGE point is ITS NOT A CHOICE. Just like me being bisexual isn’t a choice, neither is me being demisexual! It’s just a part of who I am and I think a part of who I always was, reflecting on past experiences

anyways I may add more to this later but if read all of this thank you

hello other demisexual friends, you are not alone