"His tongue, so soft and hot, like a chunk of microwaved fish, sloshing around inside her mouth."

I'll take 'I'm too asexual for this' for 100, Alex(a).

This counts as bestiality, yes?

"cock. It swelled like a balloon being filled with helium, rising up, standing to command, begging for her to take it in her hands."

I am now annoyed by the scientific inaccuracy of this nonsense. A balloon filled with helium will burst if you squeeze it like a cock Alexa.

"Then he pulled it out and it made a popping sound."

....is this still a penis or is it actually a balloon?

"...he could thrust his warbling member deep into her pocket of ecstasy."

Warbling member. We can add "warbling" to the list of "adjectives one DOESN'T use to describe a dick."

"He filled her with love lotion, which oozed out instantly and spread right across the floor."

Hey @Lit_Review I submit this for consideration for the Bad Sex Awards: COVID edition.

"Bubbly, like cola, ran through her veins."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAA @crankysunflower this one is for you.

"He had, undoubtedly, taken her breath away."

Yes, typically how Covid kills you.

"Missing was her aching to be savaged vaginally."

I am now concerned for this woman's vulva, though it deserves no consideration.

IS THIS WHOLE BOOK A METAPHOR FOR ANTI-MASKERS IS THAT WHAT THIS IS?

And it's done. I hope y'all enjoyed, because this was the hardest thing I've had to read all year, and I work in media. I leave you with the author profile. Fin.

Frens, @litfever's livetweet is infinitely funnier, pls enjoy: https://twitter.com/litfever/status/1310855386522628097?s=20