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Is cognitive dissonance just a new term for shame?
Because shame isn’t cool any more?
Because why should we have to feel shame anyway?
Because we’re supposed to have been liberated from shame by the various cultural upheavals of the 20thC?
Because shame isn’t cool any more?
Because why should we have to feel shame anyway?
Because we’re supposed to have been liberated from shame by the various cultural upheavals of the 20thC?
And a somewhat related thought: do we really think growth is possible without discomfort, or pain?
If so, why do we have the expression “growing pains” ?
If so, why do we have the expression “growing pains” ?
So this is actually about cognitive dissonance and openness.
Most of us would say that we hold openness to be an
important value. We want to be open minded, ready to change our views based on evidence.
But it seems we rarely talk about how to *train* openness, or develop it.
Most of us would say that we hold openness to be an
important value. We want to be open minded, ready to change our views based on evidence.
But it seems we rarely talk about how to *train* openness, or develop it.
What if this is actually one of the functions of (proper) meditation practice?
(necessary corollary, meditation is not only about experiencing pleasant sensations -- sorry folks! — but, I guess most of you probably knew that already
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😉" title="Zwinkerndes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Zwinkerndes Gesicht">)
(necessary corollary, meditation is not only about experiencing pleasant sensations -- sorry folks! — but, I guess most of you probably knew that already
Cog diss is an experience of mental/emotional discomfort — and generally speaking, we try to avoid it at all costs, by ignoring evidence, shouting it down, conveniently forgetting things, or just making things up.
It’s a *feeling* - an unpleasant sensation in the body.
It’s a *feeling* - an unpleasant sensation in the body.
There’s evidence that we’d rather risk our health, or even our life, than face this feeling: person I voted for is not wearing mask. If I wear a mask I have to admit that I don’t agree with him (and maybe made a mistake by voting for him)—very unpleasant to admit, so…no mask
So if we’re really committed to openness, then we need to find a way to learn how to regularly accept the discomfort of cognitive dissonance, which means not being afraid of experiencing an unpleasant feeling in our body.
Now that might not seem like a big deal — a big value in placed in our culture on being able to bear physical discomfort (pain), especially for men(?), but that’s very different from what I’m talking about, which is *emotional discomfort* - nausea, constriction, tightness, fear…
my contention is that we get *almost no training at all* in being able to stay with this kind of feeling without reacting.
(Eg people would rather give themselves electric shocks than experience a few minutes of boredom)
(Eg people would rather give themselves electric shocks than experience a few minutes of boredom)
So what would this training look like?
I think it’s just meditation: reducing our reactivity to unpleasant internal sensations, and being able to hold them with tenderness, without panicking, and learning to listen to them in order to change and grow.
I think it’s just meditation: reducing our reactivity to unpleasant internal sensations, and being able to hold them with tenderness, without panicking, and learning to listen to them in order to change and grow.
It’s amazing how unwilling we are to experience these unpleasant internal sensations. We will do practically *anything* to avoid them. (Eg risk our lives, as above, which makes literally no sense! https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😂" title="Gesicht mit Freudentränen" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit Freudentränen">)
But from my own practice, I can say that allowing these internal sensations to arise can bring up HUGE resistance — (unconscious) attitudes like: “if I allow this feeling to come up I WILL DIE.”
It’s very very strong, which is why we contort ourselves so much to avoid cog diss.
It’s very very strong, which is why we contort ourselves so much to avoid cog diss.
Meditation is, for me, at least in part, a gradual process of experimentation with these uncomfortable feelings. A scientific attitude helps:
“OK, so, I feel like I’m going to die if I allow this feeling to come up — that’s a hypothesis, let me test it.”
“OK, so, I feel like I’m going to die if I allow this feeling to come up — that’s a hypothesis, let me test it.”
“OK... very unpleasant... but... not dead yet, so... maybe I can cautiously update my hypothesis: I don’t like this feeling, but it won’t kill me.”
Which allows us to go into the feeling a bit more, without reacting, without freaking out...
Which allows us to go into the feeling a bit more, without reacting, without freaking out...
Eventually, the feeling becomes *just a feeling* — we can even remove the label “unpleasant” — but this can take a LONG TIME, especially if there is trauma in the mix.
And after yet more practice, the feeling can become “wow, I thought this was unpleasant, but actually, it’s just the direct experience of life itself, a kind of endless scintillation. Wow!”
Then we’re no longer (or maybe just less!) afraid of unpleasant internal sensations, which allows us to accept the challenge of cognitive dissonance, and hence GROW.
I think this is the fundamental precondition of real openness.
If we can’t face being wrong, then no openness.
I think this is the fundamental precondition of real openness.
If we can’t face being wrong, then no openness.
So, there we are...
PS this is just a hypothesis that I am currently experimenting with. I’m very interested in what folks think about it — especially if I’m wrong!https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😇" title="Lächelndes Gesicht mit Heiligenschein" aria-label="Emoji: Lächelndes Gesicht mit Heiligenschein">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤣" title="Lachend auf dem Boden rollen" aria-label="Emoji: Lachend auf dem Boden rollen">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤓" title="Nerd-Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Nerd-Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙄" title="Gesicht mit rollenden Augen" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit rollenden Augen">
PS this is just a hypothesis that I am currently experimenting with. I’m very interested in what folks think about it — especially if I’m wrong!
