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language is difficult. this is why when toxic masculinity and trans women are mentioned in the same context, it can come across as misgendering - but anyone can uphold toxic masculinity regardless of their identity. that being said -
it seems to be all too common for many trans women to adopt a vague idea that transmisogyny is the highest form of oppression, and this is a huge problem. we need to address what's being perpetuated by some of our communities.
- projection. projection is something I see in a lot of transfem specific spaces, wherein someone's idea of transition goals is casually forced on others. for instance, being told I pass by more fem presenting trans women is assumed by some to be a compliment but honestly myself
and many others find it to be greatly insulting. what we should do instead is point out to eachother that everyone is an individual and has different ideas of who they want to be, or how they wish to perform gender.
projection can show up here entirely unintentionally, like for example, some spaces might see me talking about my "masc" traits and think i am self deprecating, and respond as though I am, but your insistence on projecting your own gendered experience on me is very unwanted.
Beyond that, in the wider picture: there's a problem with how many corners of transfem culture treat transmascs as well as trans men, as well as AFAB people (you don't have to be all three of these things to be just one).
i see this problem as a result of, for one, segregation by AGAB. this is a problem. transmasc and transfem mean transfeminine and transmasculine, but are often used as synonyms for AMAB trans or AFAB trans and that's... Not good.
the attitude in many circles to keep trans men and trans women apart, and also calling them transmasc and transfem respectively is damaging and we NEED to be a community. realizing I have more in common with people of a different
AGAB than me has been really important and healing, but maybe I could have realized this earlier if there wasn't a tendency to separate trans people by AGAB. our oppressors don't want us to find things in common; it means building solidarity.
when we habitually separate people by AGAB, we recreate that harmful binarist segregation, making it, for one thing, more frequent that we will not be able to have the important conversations about how to best respect one another -
ive seen people of one AGAB talk negatively about for instance the genitals of another AGAB and that's fucked and most definitely can be traced to separation. or in talking about transition goals, I've seen people frame their description of other AGAB in a fetishistic
or disrespectful way. like if you don't have the same genital configuration as me, you won't understand what it's like - but you DOUBLY won't understand if you're never encouraged to even talk to people like me. send tweet
tldr I'm bitter many trans spaces separate us by AGAB because it literally works to prevent our growth and breeds toxicity. i say this as one: trans women owe it to ourselves and others to actually be cognizant of toxic behaviors we might enable or participate in.
