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so I wanted to write a bit on this past week, before I'm back to being consumed by the world of studying once more
after spending like 2 months trying to disconnect from the group of friends which used to mean the world to me, I was back around, and while this was done in hope -
after spending like 2 months trying to disconnect from the group of friends which used to mean the world to me, I was back around, and while this was done in hope -
to take away from the importance of everything, (by not having it a thing to "avoid in all cost" but rather to say that it doesn't matter if I'm there or not)
it still clearly has a lot of importance, which might not be a good thing for me?
it still clearly has a lot of importance, which might not be a good thing for me?
what was really hard for me being away is the feeling that I was not only brought down by the thing that bothered me, but that I also lost everything around it
it didn't take me long to regret leaving, but I never allowed myself to come back, out of mine (+other's?) expectations
it didn't take me long to regret leaving, but I never allowed myself to come back, out of mine (+other's?) expectations
I was trying to convince myself that these are just people, and people come and go so it's okay to let go of them
but at the same time these people had such a great room in my heart, so much that I can't tell if that's why I need to let go of them, or if that's why it's stupid to
but at the same time these people had such a great room in my heart, so much that I can't tell if that's why I need to let go of them, or if that's why it's stupid to
I feel really conflicted about how much they mean to me
both in sense of being possibly bad for me for being unable to maintain the connections, and I feel really bad that I "prefer" them on other people in a way
what makes them seem so special? wasn't it the problem all along?
both in sense of being possibly bad for me for being unable to maintain the connections, and I feel really bad that I "prefer" them on other people in a way
what makes them seem so special? wasn't it the problem all along?
still, I am glad I came back, it helped me feel better about everything, what I know wouldn't have happened otherwise
and I do know that being forced to not be around for most of the time is going to free me from some of the chains of FOMO I was verrry trapped in originally
and I do know that being forced to not be around for most of the time is going to free me from some of the chains of FOMO I was verrry trapped in originally
and while some things still weigh me down, some mindsets and thoughts I'm yet to escape, problems I can't solve, people I wish to talk to but don't know how
I hope maybe things will go more naturally, if it's about building or losing relationship, just not forcing it
I hope maybe things will go more naturally, if it's about building or losing relationship, just not forcing it
this is still all quite messy, and me trying to simply point out and overcome my flaws just doesn't seem to be a such a straightforward process
I just know it feels stupid to lose people for the sake of being too scared of losing them
and I hope I will reach a balance eventually
I just know it feels stupid to lose people for the sake of being too scared of losing them
and I hope I will reach a balance eventually
