Today I dedicate my life to the man who’s eyes inspired the line from Pineapple Express, “Those kids eyes are as red as the devils dick.”, @TroyAikman I’ll forever remember how you explained Russ “being off a bit” as he launched his fifth TD of the day

I envision him on a little family road trip just pounding pills and eating them dry in the driver seat singing "John Jacob jingle heimer Schmidt" as he sobs and pees his little hexagonal penis into his khakis

SeAtTlE gAvE uP oN tHe RuN gAmE his voice warbled as he wept into his frequently used handkerchief and the Seahawks hung up 38 points

I found something out today about the man with the maroon eyes

Troy Aikmen clutching onto his typing championship medal as he sobs while a little pee comes out and whimpers, “Russell’s been a little off today” as Russell throws his fifth what-shoulda-been-his-sixth TD of the day

There pain in those eyes, Troy

when I look into those candy apple red eyes of yours and I look directly north I see two horns growing out of your head while you clap your talons together and whip a sweet old lady with your dragon tail

Troy and his spicy fingers just laying tracks down on the keyboard every day cause he doesn't give a shit and cause he knows what the fuck an efficient run game looks like and it isn't 5 passing tds and what shoulda been 45 points

My only potential weakness in this thread is that I described him peeing into his shorts/pants twice. What some may describe as lazy, I’d like to describe as simple repetition to illustrate he frequently peed himself. That is all.