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CW: stress, pain, menstruation
Little bit of a thread because I sorta want to shout from the rooftops: i got my period after almost an entire year of thinking that grad school destroyed my chance to birth a child!
Little bit of a thread because I sorta want to shout from the rooftops: i got my period after almost an entire year of thinking that grad school destroyed my chance to birth a child!
Oct. 2019: period from hell, basically wore a diaper. At the SAME time my MA thesis was accepted, my PhD short proposal was due, I was undergoing the aftermath of legal name change (needed new passport before vacation on Halloween), and midterms (as both PhD student AND TA).
I was a sweaty, stressed out, panicky mess and I was mostly worried about needing to wear a diaper to disney world (didnt have to, it was miraculously over by vacation).
But then: nothing. I didnât stress until, maybe, January because of all of the above. But things got worse.
But then: nothing. I didnât stress until, maybe, January because of all of the above. But things got worse.
In September I was in PAIN. Not abdominal but neck, arm, elbow, and wrists; obviously product of writing a thesis but it didnt go away thanks to coursework.
Come December I wasnt eating due to stress, thought my hair was going gray, and got a pain therapy unit for christmas.
Come December I wasnt eating due to stress, thought my hair was going gray, and got a pain therapy unit for christmas.
Not having a period meant one less thing to worry about. But stress got worse: I missed the last in person day of seminar before quarantine because I couldnât get out of bed.
Stress + poor writing posture led to a pinched nerve in my spine. I couldnât move without extreme pain.
Stress + poor writing posture led to a pinched nerve in my spine. I couldnât move without extreme pain.
In April I wrote my final two coursework essays whilst recovering from the pinched nerve, dealing with quarantine, and grading final essays for 40 students (Kal, the archangel of senior TAs took SEVERAL off my hands because he knew I was BURNT OUT and suffering).
I got through those essays and forced myself to take time off (the fact that one of those two profs demanded to have my cell # for an âemergencyâ and degraded me, leading to more necessary down time, is a story for another time).
Over the last four months (June-Sept) my pain has almost fully decreased. I havenât had to use my pain therapy unit in a LONG time, havenât gotten mystery ailments, have been eating, hair is not turning gray.
But that reduced pain / stress meant I needed to confront lack of Flo.
But that reduced pain / stress meant I needed to confront lack of Flo.
A handful of close friends knew and were concerned. But, convinced that it was just stress and my body would revert, as it had with everything else, I decided it wouldnât be necessary to see a Doctor (especially in the middle of a pandemic).
I read that lack of menstruation for a year means youâve gone through menopause. A week ago I had back pain, laughed cynically: âthatâs where my uterus is, haha, as IF.â
And then it was back, a month before Iâd have to consider whether I could ever have biological children.
And then it was back, a month before Iâd have to consider whether I could ever have biological children.
All my friends in grad school are stressed out of their minds with SSHRC and, having sat them out this year because Iâve recently enacted stronger boundaries to quash stress and pain, Iâm crying with joy because I got my period for the first time in almost year.
