My adoptive parents told me if I was bad they’d return me to the adoption agency.

When I told them a bad man was touching me at daycare, they told me I was lying, and, to this day, they remain friends with said daycare provider.

They never showed me anything adoption related.

To this day, I’ve never seen my adoption papers.

They told me I was hurting their family name by searching for my bio family, only after my son had several life threatening medical events.

When I discovered all the lies, they called me ungrateful, and we haven’t spoken since.

My little daughter, my sweet, kind, beautiful daughter... they made fun of her to their siblings.

They made fun of her for wanting a letter in the mail from them.

Upon meeting the father of my children, they told him I was bad at everything, like, everything, and they told him not to trust me.

They laughed when I cried for being bullied about being adopted by my adoptive brother and his friends.

He told anyone who would listen I was adopted.

They did too.

The bad things that happened to me at daycare took place starting at the age of 5.

They called me a false accuser at 5 years old.

Sometimes I am dumbfounded when I have trust issues, or I connect with a person and feel like I have to disappear, like they are going to hurt me, or laugh at me, or leave me.

And then I remember.

I spent so much time in my life trying so hard to please them, to make them proud of me.

Nothing was good enough.

Nothing will ever be good enough because I’m not one of them.

It took SO long for me to realize they are not good people.

And sometimes I still miss them.

I think the biggest struggle I face in being an adoptee is feeling less than in every situation. I have worked so hard to combat this. I am an alright person. I deserve my life. But still, those feelings are behind everything I do.

Sometimes I wish I had an adult in my life who stayed, who really saw me and wanted to do so, but that didn’t really happen for me.

I think one thing I find so validating about adoptee Twitter is shared experiences, even though they’re all the worst experiences.

I feel seen here.

Thank you so much for that.

I have been having a difficult time. I wish I could share more freely about it. I am struggling, but I’ll be okay.