So here's something I don't think I've really talked about much publicly (& CERTAINLY didn't plan to today) but I think it's time to put my own embarrassment aside & have a real chat about adult diapers.

You know who wears them?

I do.

(Thread. Yes really! Stick w/ me please.) https://twitter.com/ImCoolCam101/status/1310650830836596736

To all the people who came up to chat or shake hands or get a book signed at @EvolvFaith last year, I bet you had no idea that I was wearing Depends.

In fact, if you've seen me speak live or had me guest preach at your church, there is a good probability I was wearing them.

Why?

Well first off, I want to state clearly that disabled people never have *any* obligation to share *any* specifics about their condition. That being said, I'm going to go ahead and explain a little because I think that it would be helpful here.

People require incontinence products for a variety of different medical issues, and not everyone who uses them needs them all the time. I'm in that group of users that doesn't always need them, it varies a lot for me - just like a lot of my symptoms do.

In my case I'm *usually* in them for one of two issues:

1) I have some damage to one of my kidneys from past kidney infections & am still prone to recurring infections. In 2019 for example I had 8 separate Infections of my bladder and/or kidneys.

2)When my neurological issues are flaring up, I experience significant tremors & spasms. Some of those spasms are strong enough to cause episodes of urinary incontinence. Sometimes I can start to experience tremors/spasms seemingly out of nowhere, without any real warning signs.

Because I can't always know when these issues will come up, I always carry a pair or two of depends in my purse, and stash a backup set of pants & an extra pair of depends in my car. If my body is strained from traveling or I know I'm having a flare, I wear them automatically.

When I have an important speaking engagement or personal appearance, I often wear them for peace of mind - because I worry a lot about being hit with an unexpected spasm when I'm on stage and having an accident.

So now the big question: WHY on God's green earth am I talking about this? And on TWITTER for heaven's sake?

Because it's time to break the stigma around diapers/incontinence products.

And it's DEFINITELY time for us to confront the harmful ableism of using needing to wear these products as an insult.

I wear Depends.

I'm also an accomplished writer and a damn good public speaker, a dedicated activist and educator, and would do just as good of a job as any abled counterpart if I ever decided to run for public office.

(I'm wearing Depends in all of these photos)

I wear Depends.

I also have a husband who is pretty dang in love with both me AND my body. Because despite the way we're portrayed in popular culture, #disabled people are not only fully sexual adults, we're also *sexually desirable* - even when we use diapers.

When you use wearing diapers as a comedic insult, you're actually insulting countless folks like me who use these products. From political cartoons to comedy sketch shows to sitcom jokes, adult diapers and the people who wear them are a sort of low hanging fruit for a cheap laugh

Diaper wearers are usually portrayed as some combination of

* feeble
* immature
* gross
* senile
* a sexual turnoff or unsexual/asexual
* not a real adult
* elderly
* incapable of caring for themselves

Yet for many (if not most) real life users NONE of those things are accurate

You can wear diapers & not be anywhere near elderly.

You can wear diapers & live independently - or even be responsible for caring for others.

You can wear diapers & have a healthy sex life with a partner that still finds you wholly desirable.

Diapers are simply a tool.

Diapers are NOT an insult.

Using them to portray someone as immature/gross/senile/feeble, or using them to try dehumanize someone for either humors sake or political points is ableism - and it's harmful.

Remember - modern diapers are often designed with discretion in mind, so it's very possible that someone you know uses diapers. Just because you don't *think* you know anyone who would be hurt by diaper jokes doesn't actually mean you don't.

The more you engage in those sort of ableist jokes, the more you're ensuring your friends and loved ones can't feel safe to disclose their truth to you. They'll be silenced and shamed, and the stigma will only grow.

So if you see jokes about #TrumpWearsAdultDiapers, memes or cartoons depicting him in a diaper, or those photos of his lumpy pants or showing possible signs of an incontinence episode?

SPEAK UP.

Your silence creates the culture of acceptance around that sort of ableism.

PS: A shoutout to @bobbytait , who still comes over to give my booty a squeeze - even when I'm wearing depends.