Your parents LIED to you!

Here are 5 LIES we tell our children, and what we should say instead

=THREAD=
A few days ago we discussed lies parents tell their kids

The intentions behind this type of guidance are [usually] noble, but their effects can be atrocious

We’ll discuss a few of the most popular answers, and what messages we should send in their place https://twitter.com/SaveYourSons/status/1308528268354752513?s=20
THE LIES:

1. Just be yourself
2. Follow your passion
3. Everything in moderation
4. Money is the root of all evil
5. You can do anything you set your mind to

LET'S BEGIN
LIE 1: Just be yourself!

What does a child or adolescent know about their ‘self’?

Nearly nothing!

People spend their whole lives attempting to discover their true ‘selves’, and many never succeed

Yet we dole this advice out to children like it’s some profound bit of wisdom
Want to make friends? Be yourself

Want to get the girl? Be yourself

Want to succeed? Be yourself

This means NOTHING to a child

By saying ‘be yourself’ we skip over mountains of practical, actionable advice that could ACTUALLY help them get what they’re after
LIE 1: SOLUTION

STOP using ‘Be yourself’ as a blanket statement

Instead, tailor your advice to what they’re actually trying to achieve

Want to make friends? Teach social skills

Want to get the girl? Teach what attracts women

Want to succeed? Teach habits and hard work
Eventually, once they’ve mastered the actual skills and habits necessary to get what they want, we SHOULD emphasize authenticity in our actions

So yes, ‘being yourself’ will ultimately help, but not until you’ve mastered the BASICS

Start with those, every time
LIE 2: Follow your passion!

Repeat after me: PASSION DOES NOT EQUAL FULFILLMENT

You can follow your passion to the ends of the earth, but if you aren’t getting FEEDBACK (ie if no one is paying attention, or no one likes what you’re doing)

You WILL be unfulfilled
Trust when I say you can spend your whole life toiling at your passion

If no one notices, if you’re shouting into the void

You will gradually begin asking yourself:

Does this matter?

Am I making a difference?

The answers to those questions will drive you to madness
LIE 2: SOLUTION

Passion and fulfillment come from the journey to greatness, not the other way around

Become GREAT at something valuable, and passion will follow

But merely ‘be’ PASSIONATE about something? Greatness and value may well elude you forever

So what can we say?
Help your kids identify their aptitudes

TELL them when they do something well

HELP them steer that talent into something valued by the world

TEACH them that to leverage our gifts we must have an intentional plan, and

GUIDE them toward creating that plan

'PASSION" be damned!
LIE 3: Everything in moderation

What a dangerous lie this is!

It’s typically assigned to discussions around vices and easily extrapolated by our children:

From ‘moderating’ junk food or video games early in life

To alcohol, drugs, and sex as they get older
Some of the smartest minds IN THE WORLD are dedicated to ensuring these vices are as ADDICTIVE as possible

They want your kids FAT, DRUGGED, and HOOKED

Their business model REQUIRES it

And you tell your children it’s no big deal, so long as they practice ‘moderation’??
LIE 3: SOLUTION

Most people can’t effectively moderate themselves, especially facing the current brain-power and resources dedicated to ensuring their addiction

Our brains weren’t designed to resist modernity’s level of stimulation

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN THIS
Our kids are smarter than we think

Help them see how they’re being targeted by marketing, how their brains are being hacked

All in an attempt to make moderation impossible

Don't simply preach 'moderation' and hope your kids come out unscathed

Help them see the WHOLE PICTURE
LIE 4: Money is the root of all evil

‘The rich are greedy’

‘The haves and have nots are at war’

And on and on...

It has somehow become more ‘noble’ to act as if one desires to never be wealthy

And the rich are seen as inherently immoral by the mere fact of their existence
So we teach our children that ‘money isn’t everything’

To ‘follow your passion’ and not get ‘caught up’ in chasing money

Or worse we don’t discuss money at all, giving our leaders in the media carte blanche to imprint whatever messages they’d like into our children
LIE 4: SOLUTION

If you want to do any good in this world

Any REAL, scalable good

You will require money

And lots of it

Demonizing the accumulation of resources only holds you back from leaving the mark you were meant to make on this earth

So what should we tell our kids?
TALK ABOUT MONEY

Do so with discretion, and teach your children to practice the same

But talk about money nonetheless

Tell them they can better help the world if they first help themselves

Money makes every aspiration larger and more plausible

It should be pursued as such
LIE 5: You can do anything you set your mind to

If you just believe!

If you just dream!

If you just work hard, you can be ANYTHING!

How many of our parents fed us this rubbish? And how many of us were left sorely disappointed when we discovered it to be patently false?
The advice is meant well, and an irrational self-belief is indeed critically important for success

But framing it as it’s framed above, we set our children up for a jarring awakening upon adulthood

I could never have been an NFL linebacker

You will never be Queen of England
LIE 5: SOLUTION

No they cannot be anything they want

But yes, they can ABSOLUTELY be great

They can undoubtedly become elite AT SOMETHING

Your job is to help them find out what that is

Don't destroy their dreams, merely reframe them

Steering them always toward greatness
Teach them that everything requires good habits and hard work, and we all have greatness within us

Are they short and slow but want to be an NBA player?

Promise to help them become the best athlete they can be

Always emphasizing practice and improvement’s role in success
Don’t say they ‘can’t’ do something

Instead instill that with the right habits and systems they will become great

Be realistic about the odds

Tell them their dreams may require a hard fight, but that you are ALWAYS fighting with them
We've now reached the end

Thank you for helping me dispel these popular parenting LIES

Are these the only lies we feed our children?

NO

What other dangerous lies have you heard repeated? Share them in the comments

And RT to help spread our message

Now go forth and be great!
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