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There's been something stewing inside me for a bit. I want to talk about empathy. What it is, why it's important, and why it's so complex.
Empathy is understanding or feeling what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference. What does that mean?
Empathy is understanding or feeling what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference. What does that mean?
Most psychologists agree: everyone is born with the ability to show empathy. Empathy isn't a state of mind; we can and do choose who we direct our empathy to, how we express it, and indeed whether we do it at all. Remember that. It's important for what follows.
I've come to the realization that there are two big problems surrounding the concept of empathy right now.
1: there isn't anywhere near enough of it.
2: there are certain ideals and core values which are undeserving of it.
Let me explain.
1: there isn't anywhere near enough of it.
2: there are certain ideals and core values which are undeserving of it.
Let me explain.
There is a very distinct and palpable distaste for showing empathy (and vulnerability) from large swaths of the public, particularly straight white men. There's this idea that understanding or accepting the viewpoint of anyone who isn't a straight white man isn't masculine.
The effect is compounded by the addition of conservative values. You see it constantly: many men, especially straight white men, are unwilling to say "Black Lives Matter" or "Trans Rights Are Human Rights" because that would indicate they believe it. Which of course, they do not.
You see it all the time on Twitter, all from Trump supporters. People who scream and weep about "white knights", which they do because they cannot process someone standing up publicly for their friends. Which is a pitiable and miserable way to live.
The very same people unwilling to put themselves in the shoes of a trans woman or a black man are the first ones to complain about a lack of empathy and acceptance for their bigotry, and weep about a "double standard". The classic "you must tolerate my intolerance".
But, we do not have to. Empathy is about choice. People choose to do good, and they choose to do evil. I have zero empathy for any mindset that invalidates an oppressed or marginalized person's very existence. Which right now, is basically everyone who isn't a straight white man.
No, I do not have any empathy towards a worldview that involves making any of my many LGBTQ/PoC/Woman friends feel less than human. Nor do I have any empathy towards a person who can look themselves in the mirror and be ok with that worldview.
I learned long ago that empathy for a person's suffering costs nothing. Black Lives Matter. Trans Rights Are Human Rights. Women's Rights are Human Rights. Love is Love. Ableism sucks.
Those aren't just sentiments, they're statements of fact. And right now they are in jeopardy.
Those aren't just sentiments, they're statements of fact. And right now they are in jeopardy.
And that is because I don't believe those people DESERVE empathy. Why would I spend my empathy on a shitty, racist, bigoted, misogynist worldview? There are marginalized people out there who need it. People who are rightfully afraid of the direction this country is headed.
This applies to mental health also. Being an advocate for mental well-being doesn't mean I have to advocate for everyone. Because the same people yelling about "a mEnTaL hEaLtH aDvOcAtE mUsT rEpReSeNt EvErYoNe" are the same ones engaged in mass bullying and harassment campaigns.
And quite frankly, I am far more concerned about the mental well-being of folks who aren't engaged in targeted harassment campaigns fueled by anger, intolerance, and yeah: a lack of empathy. I'm going to focus on victims.
What we need is more empathy for individuals at risk in this country right now. PoC. LGBTQA. Women. The disabled. Their rights are more in danger of getting rolled back in America than at any point in recent memory. We have to fight for them.
I'm sure this will piss a lot of conservatives off, and that's fine. I'm angry at you, too. But I'm also confident you're fighting a losing battle, and one day history will find you where you belong: on the ash heap of history.
Love each other, ok? Love your friends. I know I do. And I'm proud to say it publicly.
