I don't want to make anyone feel bad, but since this hurt me deeply and I truly don't think the other party tried to hurt me, I'll say it in good faith.

My last gf was an overthinker, mainly because of an untreated anxiety, and I tried to do all of this for her.

And it ruined https://twitter.com/56kittens/status/1310354026383446022

me and our relationship.

She was so insecure about everything, and most of the things I couldn't control.

I tried, though.

She got insecure and had anxiety attacks about normal things in a relationship as me not talking to her for a few hours when we were hanging out with

5+ friends.

It wasn't intentional, I was just talking to other people.

I understand it's not her fault to overthink, but we ended up just never seeing our friends anymore and I isolated from it.

She was so scared about so many things that I didn't want to show my own

insecurities to not make her worry more.

She would overthink so much that I didn't feel safe to tell her problems that I has with her because she scalated them way out of proportion and made drastic things about it.

So in the end I grew up quieter, and more alone.

I had to constantly ask her and be mindful of little signs of her being distressed because she was so scared to bother me that she wouldn't tell me.

This is exhausting.

This entire thread is putting all the weight of the relationship in the other party. It's too much to bear.

You can't expect someone to make all the efforts towards communication. You can't expect someone to change their entire behavior around your insecurities.

Understand that this is forcing people to keep you in your comfort zone.

I need you to understand that if you need

constant reassurance about love, this isn't "just you".

This is the result of trauma or a damaging attachment style, and needs to be treated. Professionally. In therapy.

You shouldn't feel like someone who loves you today will hate you tomorrow. This is not healthy, and the

solution is not having a 25 page guide on how to behave around you. The solution is working on it yourself.

Not because of your partner, though I truly believe I could've been a lot more happier with her if I hadn't turned into an overthinker myself, trying to predict what

she was going through instead of we just talking about it, but because of you.

You deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel loved. Overthinking so much to the point of not trusting your relationship if you're not reminded of how much you're loved every single day is hurting you

Trust is not about constant reassurance. Trust is about feeling safe even without the constant reassurance.

I know we've been taught to believe that the other party should make us feel safe, but we have to feel safe on our own.

Please take care of yourselves as much as you

demand other people to care for you. You'll be happier, healthier, and since confidence is sexy, sexier.

PD: I was going to add this during the thread but I forgot.

Sometimes your partner is going through a rough patch themselves and they won't have the energy to do all of these things for you. They will need you to be there for them.

And it will probably stop you from it.

When I feel bad I get quiet. I'm a very talkative person but the worse I feel the quieter I get.

To the point that once I was having such a terrible day and I felt so bad that when someone saw me abt to cry and asked me what was wrong, I just gave them doodles I had made during

class to nor start crying and walked away.

This may look like I don't want to talk to you, or that I'm rejecting you for an overthinker.

Sometimes people don't have the energy to do all of these things and that doesn't mean they care less.

I felt like I always had to be in a

good headspace to handle her and I forced myself to be fine.

After all, she had anxiety and I didn't, so I had to make all the efforts.

This is wrong. You don't have to make all the efforts in a relationship.

This is just a personal example, but the thing is sometimes ppl

WILL FEEL BAD, it will trigger all your insecurities because their behavior will shift and if you back away then, they're left to suffer alone.

This is another way this is making you and your partner unhappy.

Some people overthink more than others but if you overthink so much

as to stop functioning in social relationships, understand that you need to seek professional help.