I’m just leaving this out here. I may get into arguments and my points may not be definitive however, that doesn't inherently imply my judgment towards adopted parents is wrong. While I respect my ap to the bottom of my heart, I feel no desire to waste my time --

honoring them. I never asked to be adopted. But I never asked to be put in the situation where I would have to be put in adoption. Overall I am confused how I should respond towards by ap, I love them yet I want to be alone by myself. I want to be alone —

I want to be alone for the soul purpose of not having to worry about anyone. Isolation brings comfort yet it clings fear of being unwanted. Being alone and spaced from my ap allowed me to learn more about myself, yet it strangles me from wanting a close relationship with them.

I feel as if a relationship of trust was built, I would end up breaking that relationship with my ap. I’ve never had a real relationship towards others. The closes I have are with those in my family, while I have friends. Those friends aren’t friends whom I feel compelled to —

express my true unfiltered self. I’ve never come to the realization up to this point that adoption for me is a topic I don’t speak upon because I’m scared of losingthat person. I create trust than I drop the relationship and leave the person without any notice —

I’m trying my hardest to be open and to stay with others but I hope I don't end up hurting them more than I helped.

this thread bounces all over the place, this is an over view if my thoughts. I know no one will read the thread, this is more for me than anyone else.