Dear @JoeBiden: Inspired by an assortment of shows, movies, martial arts and, oh yeah, that little battle for democracy we're having, I composed this list of debating tips for you. Please, for the sake of our nation, give them a try.

1/ IT'S NOT A DEBATE. First of all, debating with Trump is like debating with your cat : Since he's not ruled by facts or logic, you cannot win. You must re-frame it as combat: It’s like UFC 1 with democracy at stake. #NoHoldsBarred.

2/ THE JEDI MASTER OF MEAN. There’s always some kid at school who is harder, faster and more merciless in their verbal attempts to break you down. When you face Trump, that needs you be you, polished with the invincibly calm intellect of a Jedi Master. #UseTheForce

3/ THE BEST DEFENSE IS...NONE. Nobody remembers blocks, everyone remembers tackles. More importantly, the moment you try to defend yourself, you’re effectively conceding that you -your character, beliefs, etc.- are debatable. You’ve already lost. Spend every moment on offense.

4/ CHANNEL STEVEN SEAGAL. Aikido uses the power of the opponent against himself. Trump’s strength is his mouth; it’s also his weakness: He'll give you plenty of chances to use his words against him, but only if your brain cells are on their A-game. #Nootropics, anyone?

5/ DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEY. Besides getting laughs, jokes can be used to assert power. Choose ones that hit on sensitive topics such as $ (his Daddy’s), brains (lack thereof) and masculinity (ditto). As they say at Cobra Kai, "sweep the leg". Expertly placed jokes will trip him up.

6/ SAY IT TO HIS FACE. Johnny Lawrence from @CobraKaiSeries said “Back in my day, if you wanted to tease someone, you did it to their face." Looking Trump in the eye while hurling insults at him shows strength. It may not be honorable or respectful, but we're WAY past that.

7/ HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED. When you address your opponent by name, it implies a certain level of respect; it humanizes him. On debate night, Mr. Biden, you must dehumanize him. Again, this normally isn’t considered honorable or respectful, but this isn’t The Princess Bride.

8/ FINISH HIM! Another Cobra Kai quote. Once you have your opponent on the ground, be relentless. Remember, it's not a debate; it's combat. He hasn't shown any mercy for democracy, so we needn't spare any for him. #Election2020 #SaveDemocracy