1) my mum told me a few months ago that when I was younger she asked my health visitor if there’s a possibility I could be autistic since she saw signs in me. The health visitors response was ‘yes probably but we’re all a little bit autistic’so here is why this is life changing

2) that comment she made has definitely affected my life to such an extent that she will never realise. Do not say ‘we’re all a little autistic’ no. Some people just have absolutely no idea what it’s like. The stereotypes are life changing to.

3) they leave people with late diagnoses or even no diagnoses. They also prevent acceptance , stereotypes are extremely dangerous. So this health visitor that said this , she’s changed my life forever. I can’t help but think how every thing could’ve been so different

4) I was always the extremely shy and quiet kid and the one who often heard ‘oh she actually speaks’ I also never fitted into any friend group right from the very young years. As I have grown up there have been so many signs I’m autistic , and not having a diagnoses has

5) completely changed my life , in more ways than anyone will ever be able to comprehend. Anyway so throughout primary school I was always doing things that seemed odd to others and I was always left out which obviously made me feel so lonely.I’ve been lonely since I can remember

6) because masking started literally since I had my own mind , a lot of my uniqueness and loneliness were internalised. However that being said I was clearly different. Just not stereotypically autistic different. Every autistic person is different. Fuck the stereotypes

7) I remember specific things that happened when I was in the older years of primary school that all male sense now. I was also in the bottom group for maths but top for spelling & punctuation. Again fuck the stereotypes. As I’ve got older my spelling and stuff has gone way worse

8) I remember doing DT in year 6. Everyone had finished the ‘simple’ task and I was the only one who couldn’t do it. This happened A LOT. I was always asked to stay behind and finish but I still had no idea what I was doing. I was way to scared to ask for help though.

9) I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve pretended I knew what I was doing when I had absolutely no clue. I would try and focus but not on how to do it , just making it look like I was trying to figure it out. I couldn’t ask for help while other people my age were there

10) from being really young , I’ve always preferred adults , I just never related to anyone else. My mum also told me when I was 8 we were on holiday and someone sat in the chair I’d been sitting on for meals the past few days and I had a extreme meltdown.

11) literally so many signs but no one cared enough to even take a second look at me. I’ve felt like the least important person ever since I was about 3/4. Also after holidays when I was young I’d be more sensitive than usual and have meltdowns , that’s because of the change.

12) I remember in primary school when people used to fall over and were crying, I’d always feel really bad for them but didn’t understand why they were so upset. ‘Autistic people don’t have empathy’ is the most bullshit thing ever. It’s hard to understand why but I care so deeply

13) I’ve also loved pandas since forever and still love them now. I have about 30 panda teddys I remember when buying things like this , or just objects in general , I’d always feel so bad for leaving the others on the shelf as if they had feelings. I still feel this way now.

14) in high school it was so clear I was struggling , I would cry every day , self harm in the toilets often , was severely bullied , had major anxiety and depression and bad family issues. This happened from about year 9 onwards. Even teachers called me attention seeking.

15) truth is I was attention seeking , cause absolutely no one was listening to me. I had a very manipulative friend who told me lots of times people go up to her and say she’s amazing for being friends with me cause they couldn’t do it. I was so fucking misunderstood.

16) I got in a massive argument in year 11 with this manipulative friend. I said something that apparently came across the exact opposite I meant it to, so even the teacher that heard was on ‘there side’ I was always saying I’m such a nice person cause I so desperately knew I was

17) I was just so terribly misunderstood. Academically I remembered ALWAYS copying people and I mean literally always. I struggled enormously which resulted in me having outbursts and constantly crying yet people just bullied me for it instead. I would eat in the toilets.

18) I’m so sorry I should’ve added a TW for earlier tweets in this thread , my mistake. Also I will carry this thread on in about an hour

19) I’m gunna carry on now. So another thing is that unless someone explains something exactly how it is and very clear then I don’t understand. So many times every one understood or at least got it after a few times but I didn’t , but I could never ask for help so I just copied.

20) when I say I got absolutely 0 help , I truly mean it. I didn’t get any help or support never mind extra help and support. If I’d had a diagnoses I could’ve got that or at least been more understood or at least understand my self more. Instead the exact opposite happened

21) the trauma I have from school and college and just life in general being autistic I will never ever be able to fully ‘get over’ and I know this is the same for a lot of other autistic people to. I was just trying my best but most the time this didn’t even get me into school.

22) for a few months I would only be going in once or twice a week to school and I don’t even know how I had the strength for that. Exact same happened with college. Both times teachers had a go at me for not being in instead of helping me at all. No one else was treated this way

23) TW bullying - in college multiple times the teachers got me and all the other students sat down together and make them tell me what ‘I was doing wrong’ and how they should walk away from me when I cried. No one else was treated this way. So fucking misunderstood

24) So moving on from there , about life in general. I find it so hard to order things in a shop or restaurant for example , this is NOT because I’m to scared cause I’m anxious it’s because I literally have to watch others to decide how I’m supposed to do it.

25) I saw a therapist last year , only twice as it was almost £200 per session as I’ve always been bottom of waiting lists but my family just couldn’t afford that amount any more. This therapist gave me booklets on anxiety and literally just said it was all anxiety

26) Like I know I’m bad at explaining stuff but I literally said a lot of this and she still just kept saying the word anxiety. I was never listened to , ever. I know autism can be hard to understand at times but all I want is the willingness to try to understand and compassion.

27) so I know this has been a really long thread and I’ll probably remember something and add it later but the point is , don’t fucking use the phrase ‘we’re all a little bit autistic’ NO we’re fucking not. This has literally almost killed me.

28) if I’d just got a little extra help and support in school , or at least any help or support?! Then I wouldn’t be so damaged now. I know I am very privileged to have the life I have so this isn’t me saying poor me , this is me saying things have to change.

29) invisible disabilities are so fucking hard cause no one accepts it or even believes you most times cause they can’t see it. You might not experience it but let me tell you it is very fucking real. My aim in life is to make sure real improvements happen for autistic people.

30) I have only been able to open up like this cause of @DarylJourney9 without his help and support and him in general I would never be able to explain any of this. He needs way more credit than he gets. He is the most special incredible person ever