Hi! Let's have a wee chat about masculinity on film, why it's shifting to reflect the changing world, why that is a good thing, and why many of us fellas could learn a thing or two from #MagicMikeXXL.

But first, watch this scene:

Ok welcome back.

Right?

Masculinity on film is a huge subject and one that I have neither the talent nor the scope to do justice in a twitter thread. Suffice to say that men have typically expected to show their strength with their coolness and their aspirational bodies.

You know who I mean. Bogart. Flynn. Schwarzenegger. Stallone. Douglas. Willis. Ford et al. Being a man has meant being a badass and being tough and being cool. I am a fan of ALL these men and their characters, this isn't a take down at all.

We are invited to BE them.

(and let's also shout-out to the outliers - The kind strength of George Bailey, whose masculinity turned inward to self loathing, meaning he needed rescue. Or Rocky Balboa, whose masculinity turned outward as he sought validation and meaning in the ring. Good exceptions)

(The best example of wholesome masculinity: #Superman. The most powerful man in the world never has to act like it. Christopher Reeve knows you must be put at ease immediately, and will nullify the astonishing power disparity with manners, kindness and a smile)

But, by and large, male cinematic heroes match the masculinity in life: play it cool. Project strength. Hide weakness.

Earn what's yours.

The DNA programming and cocktail of hormones really do make it very very easy for us to be dicks.

We are programmed and conditioned with this poison, and after a while we think strength means winning. Strength means respect from other men.

Strength becomes entitlement.

You've all seen it on NSFW twitter. Men in your replies informing you of what they will do to you. Calling you a bitch for mocking them. A slut for rejecting them. Calling other men cucks for being gentle.

Entitlement.

Masculinity is so often synonymous with entitlement.

This isn't the fault of movie heroes. Those heroes are often good lads. The message gets garbled and we just want to have those muscles, those women, that kill count.

Then we might be as cool as them.

Hollywood packages this up and sells it to us.

It means we are the hero of every movie. And we want the girl. We deserve it.

Enter - MAGIC MIKE XXL

It shows what masculinity can be. And it does it by following a fairly straightforward formula:

Really hot men, doing everything they can to make women feel good and special.

All women.

In the scene that kicks off this thread, Joe Manganiello (a 6'5 Adonis, who can beat you and your Dad up at the same time) is feeling insecure about whether he can perform.

To test his powers, he goes into a gas station to see if he can impress the wage-slave cashier.

Imagine the alternate, toxic version of this scene. Thrusting in her face, telling her to smile, as his friends laugh like hyenas from the side.

She would be uncomfortable. Maybe even afraid.

Many of you will have seen this on various nights out. It's horrible.

Not so here. Here JM is unthreatening. Deferential. And the only thing that matters to him? HER enjoyment. HER comfort.

He is willing to make himself look like an ass, but he is not willing to intimidate her.

MEN TAKE NOTE

He is always mindful of her consent. She's on her phone? He doesn't yell. Doesn't slap it out of her hand.

He competes for her attention, but he doesn't demand it. He tries to earn it.

HE DOES NOT FEEL ENTITLED TO IT.

Watch the cues. She leans in to see him when he's writhing on the floor. She is in control and can stop it at any time.

And what are the stakes here? Does he want her to fuck him? Kiss him? Feel him up?

Nope. He just wants her to have enjoyed it. And the smile signals that.

And watch his friends. THIS is what we want from groups of men. They are enthusiastic, passionate and PUMPED. But they stay on the other side of the glass, their attention on him.

Nothing they do is designed to intimidate or pressure her. Only to boost their mate.

THIS is men

The movie is filled with this shit. Women of different ages, races, shapes and sizes are all made to feel safe, special and entertained.

But this is the scene that makes me smile. I know it's just a strip tease scene. I know I'm going on and on.

But right here we have Joe Mangeniello and pals showing us how to deploy masculinity.

Strength, yes, but humility. Consent. And the elevation of the female gaze.

Let's make masculinity this: gentility, kindness, humility, and humour.

Those things don't make us weak. They make us much stronger, much more secure, and much more attentive.

And also, honestly it makes you sexier lads.

While the meatheads would struggle with a bra strap, you'll have her clenching in her seat just at the sound of your voice.