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Literally the most annoying text in the world: "got a moose, on our way"
WHO GOT IT? HOW BIG? SHOULD I COME HELP?
omg
omg
Update: HC got it, it& #39;s quite large, and I& #39;m strapping on my moose-butchering shoes right now
Oh god save us
Polite Colleague has arrived and ow all 3 mighty hunters are trying to remove the storage box from the four-wheeler with, among other things, my axe.
Polite Colleague has arrived and ow all 3 mighty hunters are trying to remove the storage box from the four-wheeler with, among other things, my axe.
Why yes that& #39;s 3 grown men and a four-wheeler crossing a lake
We are across the second lake in a much smaller and more terrifying raft and we are 7min from the moose
Me: Where is the rifle?
Mr Dr Red: Left it on the other side of the lake. If there& #39;s a bear we& #39;ll have to let it have the meat.
Me: I have an AXE. Who are you gonna bet on, a black bear or me with an axe?
Mr Dr Red: Left it on the other side of the lake. If there& #39;s a bear we& #39;ll have to let it have the meat.
Me: I have an AXE. Who are you gonna bet on, a black bear or me with an axe?
MDR: The bear
Me: WRONG ANSWER
Me: WRONG ANSWER
One side: peace
Other side: someone who almost flipped the four-wheeler
I& #39;m leaving out all pictures because gory, but here& #39;s a brief list of things that have happened thus far:
1. The hacksaw broke
2. There was some extremely unseemly gyrating over the moose& #39;s body
3. Polite Collegue didn& #39;t have breakfast and nearly fainted when we began to empty the moose
4. There was a moment of panic when HC nicked the intestine
5. "Maudit bebelle d& #39;esti de Canadian Tire" -Mr Dr Red wrt the broken hacksaw
6. I decline to transcribe all the testicle-related comments
7. We are NOT going to make a table out of the four legs, apparently
(Unfair, I feel, but whatever)
8. My axe and I have been put on bear watch but I think they just want me to stop exclaiming over the innards
(Polite Colleague especially finds my enthusiasm a little disturbing)
9. HC has decided that the moose& #39;s name was Marc
10. Also I& #39;m not the one who keeps shaking the moose& #39;s hoof and saying "Pleased to meet yo" so ....
All I did was point out that (weird anatomical detail ahead) the fat under the skin pops like bubble wrap
11. I may also have clicked a set of hooves together in a Monty Pythonesque way? But it was funny.
12. Moose smell weird. Good weird, but weird.
13. PC is facetiming his parents in France and it is very funny.
"Mais c& #39;est trop bien!"
14. I am now anchoring the tiny raft as PC and HC paddle the moose quarters and I across the lake.
Next up: going up a 300-foot hill. Thankfully we have a four-wheeler and a winch
This is the hill.
I took a forced lunch-and-Scrabble break because I had invited friends to lunch.
The others came down to the cottage exhausted and dehydrated--it took them two hours to haul the 600lbs of moose up the hill and across another lake, even with the quad and winch
Then it was time to remove the tongue (at my mother& #39;s request. We don& #39;t know when she& #39;s going to visit next but whatever).
What I learned is fourfold:
One: I do not know enough about moose anatomy to remove a tongue without nearly bisecting it
Two: HC doesn& #39;t either
Three: turns out you have to reach VERY DEEPLY into a moose& #39;s skull to get the tongue out
It was like fisting.
And for all that these guys think they& #39;re hot shit in the sexual sense they sure blanched when I said that.
Four: I am the least squeamish of everyone here.
Anyway, the tongue is clean in the freezer and my hands are also clean.
That is the only part of me that& #39;s clean.
Now we are in the car (which smells like moose pee) to register our moose.
The local hunting store takes pics of everyone who shoots a moose in our town and makes a very popular newsletter.
Ok. Moose is registered (by a contemporary of Kid 1, who was 100% done with the whole process and mad he wasn& #39;t out hunting)
The head is temporarily parked in our backyard and the meat is at the butcher& #39;s. It hangs for a week and then we go back and watch it get cut up.
I had a shower and I am no longer crunchy.
I guess I should say "the end?" Tune in next week?
Oh god I forgot that Mr Dr Red told me that just as HC was about to shoot his moose MDR saw a big cow moose.
He started calling her-not to shoot her, because that& #39;s not allowed this year, but to encourage bulls to come.
He started calling her-not to shoot her, because that& #39;s not allowed this year, but to encourage bulls to come.
In his words, "She turned me down flat." 
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Apparently she didn& #39;t like his call.
Poor Mr Dr Red.
