I miss going on self dates. I used to feel uneasy seeing eyes on me every time I enter the cinema alone or the way people look strangely at me when I sit by myself reading inside a coffee shop, even the stares I get when I eat alone. But I learned to love it and now I miss it.

It& #39;s the pleasure of not being pressured into picking the right eating place. The way I don& #39;t get too anxious if I& #39;m taking a while browsing BookSale shelves. I can pick a movie I wanna watch and I can be late. I can sit with a book in my hand and not worry about time.

Self-dates, I realized, is a great way to know yourself. You know how you sometimes get caught up by people& #39;s perception of you so you try to somehow live up to their idea of you? Well, when you spend time with yourself, you get to go back to your core.

You get reminded of how much you actually don& #39;t like milk tea, or how Joanne is actually your favorite Lady Gaga album, or how you used to enjoy sketching, or the smell of fresh-cut grass, or how you prefer your red wine with ice and don& #39;t give a fuck about what others think.

My god. How I& #39;ve taken for granted the days I was free to go out and treat myself. I miss it. I miss me.

I hate how this prolonged lockdown has jaded me. How I allowed it to create cracks on the walls I& #39;ve built around me for years.

Don& #39;t get me wrong. I still recognize myself. It& #39;s just thatI know I& #39;m a different person now. And I want to reconnect.

If you& #39;re reading this, don& #39;t lose hope just yet. Maybe we can go back to how life was for us. For now, just try to take care of yourself - one day at a time.