Prepare for a long thread... my thoughts are keeping me from sleeping. None of you probably know my silent battle with #depression, many people in my life don’t know about it or how bad it’s been. I’ve been to the point of holding the blade over my skin

Reading the note I’ve written. I don’t even remember why I didn’t. Lately it’s been hard to think straight, and yet at work I have the reputation of being the most outgoing and positive person, My friends are none the wiser, and my family thinks I’m doing amazing.

But my #mentalhealth has never been good. Now with COVID and lockdowns I have been getting worse. I know I should seek help but I don’t want to or can’t I’m not sure which, my boyfriend who I love dearly and open up about my issues tries to help how he can but I hold stuff back

Because I don’t want him to feel like I am in need of fixing. Asking for help suck and I don’t want to do it anymore, life has no meaning for me anymore, the relationships, my achievements, my family all seems so meaningless in it all

Today I took the day off work, and I slept, I was tired because I was drinking the night before, but even when I woke up, went and bought my supplies that I needed I laid in bed when I got back and just didn’t move... it’s been like this for a while

I dropped out of this term of collage because I didn’t attend one class... I didn’t do one assignment... I feel like a failure. I’m destined for retail I guess or other jobs I don’t need a degree for. It doesn’t help my other siblings are engineers... all 3 of them

And what is the point of this rant? I’m sending something out into cyberspace that maybe will be seen by 5 people who will probably reach out with the best of intentions but in reality will make me feel worse because on top of everything I’ll feel guilty and embarrassed that I

Put this thread out into the world... so please share I guess, give the voiceless a voice, don’t ignore it when your 9 year old thinks they are depressed... but I think it may be too late for me... for now this is goodbye, we shall resume our regular programming