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(1/25) please read this thread and tag gabbie 
so, i realize it may be several months until she sees my private message. so i would like to explain it here. my best friend, lara, took her life in the beginning of this year. january. and i loved her so much, you have no idea.
so, i realize it may be several months until she sees my private message. so i would like to explain it here. my best friend, lara, took her life in the beginning of this year. january. and i loved her so much, you have no idea.
(2/25) she was the most beautiful person ever, and she wanted to make everyone smile, she wanted everyone to be happy. but sadly, she couldn’t deal with life much longer. i remember it clearly. i was at school, and i knew she was taking a little break from social media -
(3/?) because i knew she was having a hard time at home and with people at her school (before i go on, she lived in brazil and i live in the usa. it was winter for me and summer for her, but people from her school were cyber-bullying her.) i just got done with gym class, and it -
(4/?) was now lunchtime. i turned on my phone, seeing that lara was back online. i went to our messages, and realized that it wasn’t lara. it was her irl friend, luana. she was telling us that lara, unfortunately, attempted, and was admitted into the hospital -
(5/?) now on january 9th, i went to lara’s page, and saw that luana had posted explaining what had happened. (again, before i go on, luana was fluent in portuguese and had to use google translate to speak english). she explained that lara had attempted on january 6th, and -
(6/?) unfortunately, passed away on the 7th. she continued with saying:
(7/?) now i haven’t really explained the full story yet to anyone, because to be completely honest with you, i don’t know the full story. no matter what really happened, i still lost a friend to me that i really really did hold in my heart. and i will still continue to love her.
(8/?) lara and i had a really good friendship. we only knew eachother for a few weeks, but she brought out the best in me. and while she was alive, i had a break from gabbie for a while because i thought i was finally doing better, and i wouldn’t need her again. but i did. -
(9/?) the day i found out about lara was a horrible day. i went home, and told my stepmom about it because i trusted her, she hugged me, and then she told my dad about it. he isn’t very fond of me having online friends. he came out to where i was laying and -
(10/?) started interrogating me. i was crying, obviously upset. he got pissed when he asked the question, “how long did you know her?” and i answered, “four weeks.” and he started saying things like “you didn’t know her in person, why are you even upset?” and things like that.
(11/?) to me, this is all normal in my mind, he’s been like this for so so long. he laughed that night, he told me i was overreacting. he yelled at me to stop crying at the dinner table, and i started crying more, so he sent me to my room. i sat behind my door, and -
(12/?) i just cried. it got better, my stepmom talked to me a little bit, saying that i would have to do a little more research on it to make them believe. but why would i take the time to do that? i trust lara. i trust that she wouldn’t just leave off the face of the planet -
(13/?) so i didn’t. i just watched for signs the next few months. some time in february, i think, when i was just getting out of anger, i started going back to gabbie’s videos. it was around the time she was posting about like her dog. i watched the makeovers on her house-
(14/?) when i say i took a break from gabbie, i mean that i took a looong break from gabbie. like... a year’s worth of gabbie, sadly. i’m so sorry gabbie- but then i was like “huh, i haven’t her music since like out loud, and satellite (rip).” -
(15/?) it was scary when i was scrolling through her music videos, that all the songs she released since then, had been what i needed to hear in those few months. like, medicate (broken heart), monster (what if i was the reason?), pillowcase (i cried A LOT), and the scariest one-
(16/?) butterflies. gabbie, when i saw the name of this video, i was honestly so scared to click on it, because i thought it would actually be about positive things. okay, so yeah, the lyrics don’t really work out. not until verse two. i really loved lara. -
(17/?) i started falling in love with her. for those who don’t remember, verse two says: “said i wouldn’t date for a while, still i couldn’t help but flirt. from the day i kissed your smile, i thought this is gonna hurt.” -
(18/?) sadly, the lyrics “beware of butterflies, they’ll break your heart” worked too.. for those who are confused on why butterflies was scary, it was because lara’s favorite insect was a butterfly. we made something called: the butterfly project as well, -
(19/?) where when you feel like harming, draw a butterfly or a heart on the place where you feel you want to c*t. well, to go back to the story, i was listening through this song and realized, like damn.. this song really hit close to home.
(20/?) gabbie has helped me through these past few years, but it wasn’t until then that i TRULY felt connected to her in ways no one really could explain. i know that she didn’t say like “oh, i’m gonna write this song for this fan bc she’s going through a bunch of shit rn” -
(21/?) because no one knew. i was afraid to tell people as well, because gabbie was going through a lot too, and people would add on to it by saying like “ew why do you still support that problematic woman” and stuff like that. so i kept it in.
(22/?) lara didn’t want to accept that she was a beautiful person. she didn’t want to accept that she had much, much more to her life. she was a weed in other people’s minds, but she was a flower to me. and i can’t thank the universe enough for putting her in my life.
(23/?) dandelion, happy and special really stuck with me when they came out. i love bad karma and glass house, but those three connected me to lara in ways i can’t explain.
(24/?) now, i would like to ask @GabbieHanna a favor. i love you so so so so very much, and i want you to really know that i owe you my entire life. i know that you might be very busy right now. but, i was wondering if you could draw me a butterfly landing on a dandelion -
(25/?) so that i could keep it framed in my room, and then maybe further in the future, i can get a tattoo. you mean the whole entire universe to me, just like lara did. and i want to thank you so much for being there even by not being there. 
(ive added a few of our con. )
(ive added a few of our con. )
