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friendly reminder that from nakyum’s pov, his life has been
-abandoned by parents
-taken in by a kisaeng house
-exposed to indecency at a young age
-beaten into a sense of internalized homophobia
-abandoned by his noonas
-rejected by the teacher he was supposed to live with
-abandoned by parents
-taken in by a kisaeng house
-exposed to indecency at a young age
-beaten into a sense of internalized homophobia
-abandoned by his noonas
-rejected by the teacher he was supposed to live with
-forced to live on the streets/in taverns
-developed an extreme alcohol dependency
-kidnapped by scary rich man
-forced to paint porn for said scary rich man
-beaten for something he didn’t do
-beaten for existing and catching seungho’s eye even though he himself did nothing
-developed an extreme alcohol dependency
-kidnapped by scary rich man
-forced to paint porn for said scary rich man
-beaten for something he didn’t do
-beaten for existing and catching seungho’s eye even though he himself did nothing
-taken advantage of while drunk
-beaten for not remembering that he was taken advantage of while drunk
-had the life of his beloved teacher threatened if he didn’t preform sexually
-allowed himself to be used just so his teacher could have a better life
-beaten for not remembering that he was taken advantage of while drunk
-had the life of his beloved teacher threatened if he didn’t preform sexually
-allowed himself to be used just so his teacher could have a better life
-manipulated by his teacher into staying in seunghos house instead of running away
-fucked into a ten day coma for trying to run away
-forced to paint himself having the sex that he’s been taught his whole life is immoral
-called a prostitute by the teacher he’s in love with
-fucked into a ten day coma for trying to run away
-forced to paint himself having the sex that he’s been taught his whole life is immoral
-called a prostitute by the teacher he’s in love with
-abandoned by his teacher
-harassed and fucked with by the house servants constantly
-developed a sense of worthlessness and hopelessness
-told by deokjae that he’s a whore
-told by seungho that all he keeps nakyum around for his his “whorish behavior”
-harassed and fucked with by the house servants constantly
-developed a sense of worthlessness and hopelessness
-told by deokjae that he’s a whore
-told by seungho that all he keeps nakyum around for his his “whorish behavior”
-abandoned by seungho out of nowhere with no warning and no explanation
-got his wrist hurt by deokjae while simultaneously being called a whore
-got kissed by a complete stranger
-stood witness to two men being beaten within an inch of their lives
-got his wrist hurt by deokjae while simultaneously being called a whore
-got kissed by a complete stranger
-stood witness to two men being beaten within an inch of their lives
-got reaffirmed by seungho that he doesn’t care about him and doesn’t love him
-got dragged into a room with complete strangers, fed alcohol, shotgunned, and felt up by people he didn’t know
-is now drunk/high out of his mind and in a room alone with seungho who’s mid tantrum
-got dragged into a room with complete strangers, fed alcohol, shotgunned, and felt up by people he didn’t know
-is now drunk/high out of his mind and in a room alone with seungho who’s mid tantrum
from nakyum’s experience, he likely thinks he’s about to be abused again, or at least he’s mentally preparing to take on the role of a prostitute who’s only purpose is to serve seungho at the cost of his dignity and comfort. that is if he’s still sober enough to think clearly.
of course these events were all more than this in reality, for example, seungho agreeing that he doesn’t like nakyum because he wants to persevere his facade and has an extreme fear of vulnerability. and there are a ton of things seungho has done for nakyum-
that he hasn’t seen, such as the aftercare and kiss in chapter 50, as well as all of seungho’s personal realizations that allow the audience to know that he does love nakyum. majority of his actions have good intentions and are either corrupted by his fear or vulnerability-
or his lack of emotional experience, (for example, him teasing nakyum that he’s too thin, thinking that’s an acceptable way to flirt and not realizing why it goes completely over nakyum’s head.) seungho cares deeply for nakyum which is obvious to the readers.
however, while we sympathize with seungho’s internal struggle with his fears and emerging love for nakyum, it’s not fair to blame nakyum for not reciprocating seunghos feelings. though seungho tries to subtly show his affection, through meals and nice clothing, -
from nakyum’s pov, he either thinks it’s because he’s seungho’s prostitute, or he just straight up doesn’t understand why seungho’s being somewhat nice to him. he has no way of knowing that seungho really cares for him at all.
i know it’s difficult to watch seungho struggle but please be patient with nakyum as well. how is a boy who’s never been shown an ounce of kindness in his life supposed to interpret seungho’s subtle hints as love and reciprocate it? especially with how poorly seungho treats him.
even once seungho comes to terms with his feelings, it’s going to take a long time for nakyum to recognize that, and even longer to reciprocate it. im glad the confession didn’t happen this chapter because honestly, whatever nakyum could’ve come up with in the-
moment of recognizing that seungho was in love with in all at once hitting him, it probably wouldn’t have been good for either of them lol, and it definitely wouldn’t have been a reciprocation of that love. in all honesty im not sure if even seungho saving-
nakyum from the assassin is enough to make him recognize how seungho’s in love with him, after all the times he’s been treated as and told he is nothing more than a prostitute. so please spare him some patience, as much as we all want seungho and nakyum endgame,
it’s up to nakyum wether or not he finds it within his heart to forgive all the bullshit seungho’s put him through. and if he makes the choice not to, honestly i can’t say id blame him.
