cw // this is gonna be a thread about pansexuality, biphobia and transphobia from the eyes of a bisexual transgender enby. this is a bit of a controversial thing within the lgbtq+ community, but i really need to share my worries. please don’t take this out of context, and please+

don’t hate me afterwards :( also, i’m not trying to point hate at anyone, it’s nothing specific. so, here i go.

when i was a sophomore in high school (15, and i was going through a horrible time because my mother had just passed away [yes, it impacts this and i’ll get to that]) i had learned about a rather new term being used within the lgbtq+ community. i knew i had always had no specific

preferences when it came to being attracted to people, so i figured i was bisexual. though, this new term made me feel much better, because it felt like i was including others who didn’t fit under the usually binary gender system. i felt like i was better for being able to

include the trans community. at the time, i identified as a cis girl. i didn’t know just how harmful it really was. later on, when i was in my junior year of high school, i had decided i was going to come out to my parents as pansexual, and i was so scared. rightfully so, i live

in a home where my family claims different views and values are encouraged, but we never spoke well when it came to that stuff. unfortunately, when i told my stepmother, she looked at me like i was stupid, asking me for the term definition, and looked me dead in the eyes and said

“so you just mean bisexual? why are you guys making up a term that means the exact same thing? to sound cool?” of course, at the time, i didn’t take this accusation well. i tried explaining it to her, and she mentioned that, while she was very clearly straight, even she had

understood that bisexuality was liking two or more genders. so i gave up, and went with saying i’m bisexual, instead. i was heartbroken. i felt like i had just lost what was a missing piece of me, and that i’d never get it back.

time went on, and later in the year i had spoken

to my close friends about how i had grown uncomfortable with using she/her pronouns. i remember my mother had always told me to be who i wanted to, no matter how much others didn’t understand. this impacted me a lot as a young adult, who was growing into themselves. anyways, i

received a lot of support from them, and decided to come out as queergender, and even started using a new name that was unisex and unique. i felt so much better about myself, until i had a run in with a couple of members of our lgbtq+ community within my school.

honestly, it was

a harmless exchange. at least, it would seem so to anyone else? when i had come out to some people about my new identity, these fellow queers of mine had started a conversation about it. one identified as bisexual, while the other was pansexual. basically, the one who identified

themselves as pansexual made a comment about how they, unlike their friend, loved everyone. “including people like [me]!” they had exclaimed. this didn’t sit right with me, and i didn’t know why. i couldn’t place it and it made me confused why i was so hurt by it.

eventually, i

had moved on from trying to figure myself out wen it came to my identity. i was pushed back into heteronormality and being cis, thanks to some family and family friends being rather closed minded. i didn’t want to be rejected or have my life threatened, so i retreated. this was a

big mistake for me. i felt like i was betraying myself and my mother.

years later, and i’ve once again reclaimed being bisexual. i have been for years, and it makes me very proud. especially when i remembered and relearned that bisexuality includes everyone, regardless of their

gender identification. that yes, trans people were included. i had read something several months back that, while it seemed very harmless, the term pansexuality wasn’t very kind to those in the trans community and even hurt those of us who identify as bisexual. and here’s why:

pansexual: (adj.) not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.

upon first glance, one would think “oh, it means that you literally don’t care about what’s in someone’s pants!” while correct, this also brought about many

comments on how bisexuals did. albeit, that’s really not the case. when it comes down to it, the values between pansexuality and bisexuality are the exact same. but while bisexuality is usually seen as “only two,” and doesn’t include the trans community, it would be seen as

different. but here’s the thing: saying bisexuals only follow love on the binary makes us look like assholes, for one. and most importantly, it makes it seem as it transgender people aren’t actually the gender they identify with, and are a completely different type. inherently,

it causes problems amongst the trans community because it invalidates their humanity. it’s transphobic in nature. and due to that, it also is a bit biphobic, as it’s used to put down bisexuals for “not loving transgender people” as well.

lately, i’ve had trouble with my own

gender identification for the nth time in my life. and i finally found myself being very comfortable and content as an enby, which would fall under being transgender. as well as a bisexual, i’m even happier with myself today than i have ever been. i know who i am and i know my

worth. i also think it’s very important that people understand that it’s okay to come up with a new term for something, it happens all the time. but i don’t think it’s okay to invalidate others basic values when it comes to sexual orientation and gender identification. so yes,

i personally think the term pansexuality, as it’s defined and commonly used, is harmful to both the transgender and bisexual communities. i believe that it should directly coincide with bisexuality, like an alternate term where they mean the exact same thing down to a t.

and i know this may cause some problems within the community, but i really want people to understand that you can label yourself if you want, but to do so respectfully. also meaning you don’t have to label yourself at all, either. do what’s best for you, just be kind to others.

i know this was a really long and a bit messy thread, but i think it’s important to share these things. thank you to whoever takes the time to read, and that i genuinely love you all. have a wonderful day/night, stay hydrated, take your medicine, and rest well!!