This is the corniest bullshit and I wish was Instagram would stop showing me the ad. I’m not a suburban woodsmen that talks about whiskey and raw demin and beard conditioners.

Excuse me, can anyone point me to where I can get a box every month to showcase my fragile masculinity and how I refer to my Bon Iver records as “vinyls”?

I need a monthly subscription that shows my appreciation of finer things like a murder kit for people that drive hybrids and still thinks shopping at Whole Foods is doing “good”.

“I hope someday they invent a lotion that can remove tattoos so I can get rid of this A Static Lullaby chest piece” says subscriber Tristan Ortley, 32, of Bayport, Minnesota.

If only there was a box that captured the essence of someone that was really into Christian Hardcore, married their 17 year old girlfriend at Furnace Fest, and was divorced at 22.

A subscription service for the man in your life that used review craft root beer on their LiveJournal while they were straight-edge but now owns a failing brewery in the warehouse district that has Just the 10 of Us trivia every Tuesday night.