take the time to read through this thread, if you can.

in my experience, spoon theory and boundaries wrt emotional labor are especially hard praxes to recognize and affirm as a queer person of color. https://twitter.com/yeongwonhanrain/status/1309844205326553088

for POC, the desire to serve as a load-bearing support wall for one's community runs deep; it's an often-unconscious effort to decolonize ourselves from ideas of who deserves + the commodification of care/what care is (divesting ourselves from traditional modalities of care)

but it is not only worthwhile but also incumbent upon us to recognize the huge difference between affirmatively and consensually providing what can be radical mutual aid, and knowing, establishing, and reifying the boundaries to and limits of our "spoons"

not having the language for it except for what we ourselves make can lead to slackening our own lines, sacrificing ourselves in what we want to be small acts of revolution until we dissolve! like mon says, that's not tenable, and can further oppress us

in my own life, my mental health and overcoming the stigma concomitant with addressing it, has been a priority, but with that comes the call (and what often feels like obligation) to help others do the same, asked or desired of me (genuinely, but harmfully) by those i love

i'm struck by both how mon sums up nicely the ways to recognize unhealthy patterns and practice boundary-setting, but also the general emphasis that understanding and communicating these things about ourselves to the people we love is work well worth doing

these themes are salient in activism: in my own activism (in the criminal injustice system) and in any sort of community activism, being exposed to all sides of devastation/oppression in society and can lead to falling into patterns of sinking while trying to save each other,

out of obligation, care, justified by solidarity with one another to our own detriment. i've noticed this online, too, how witnessing friends' anonymous pain in both distant and extremely distilled ways, leads to the same sort of self-imposed responsibilities without boundaries.

all of this finds its genesis in compassion, but what a beautifully loving thing it is to get to the point where we can do ourselves and our loved ones this honor! of 1) understanding ourselves and own limitations 2) expecting clarity and consent as a general matter and

3) enhancing and deepening our relationships as a result. especially for indigent communities, communities of color, queer communities etc. it enhances both our bonds with one another and makes it an even more radical, respectful endeavor.

(woof, i didn't expect to say this much! but anyway thanks @yeongwonhanrain for the thoughtfulness and wisdom, as always, you're a dream.)