This is an example of asking vs guessing personality types. On the other side of this if you are a person who expects people to guess and figure out what you MEAN, realize your clues are only crystal clear to another guessing person, and NOT nerodivergent friendly. https://twitter.com/feyngels/status/1309402637243158529

Very midwestern guessing family. They try and figure out what the other wants and needs without ever directly asking (which is rude to them).
My partner is VERY asking. He says what he means and asks for things directly(it's rude not to).

It creates problems.

Example:

Partner's office also happens to be our guest room. He was very busy the last time my parents visited and while he will work on a laptop upstairs he likes to use his monitor.

My parents noticed this and asked about his monitor setup and he talked about how much he loves it.

My mom said "if you would like to use your office go ahead since I won't be in there all day"

Nik says thank you. Works downstairs for 8 hours.

The next day after my parents woke up, and came upstairs he went down to work again.

That afternoon my dad approaches ME to tell me my mom is VERY UNHAPPY WITH PARTNER. I'm like "what???"

"HE JUST KEEPS WORKING. she wants PRIVACY"

so I ask if they... Asked him to work upstairs.
"He should KNOW"

So -I- have to walk up to partner "yo, parents are upset at you for working in your office"

Partner: ??? WHY DIDN'T THEY TELL ME?? THEY TOLD ME I COULD WORK HERE I WOULD HAVE GONE UPSTAIRS!!!

"I know. Go apologize to my parents. They'll be happy. I'll tell them to ASK you."

So I'm around when partner apologizes to my mom. She thanks him, he brings his stuff upstairs. When he's out of the room she looks at me and goes "I was making it OBVIOUS. I kept walking into the room and asking what he was doing. He should KNOW that meant I wanted privacy"

"I wanted to be nice and allow him to work but he should have figured out that I also want to be able to use the room downstairs without him being there or interrupting"

So, I'm exasperated as... THEY STILL AREN'T TELLING HIM THIS. They're telling ME how they want him to think.

I basically told her she has to give him specific hours he can work in the office, and be willing to tell him to leave or just not offer it, to which she's like "but we don't want to impose"

And I tell PARTNER that when parents check up on him he should alk if they want the room

These two personality types fundamentally struggle to get along & understand one another, & the more you're aware of the other the sooner you can try to set up boundaries because literally you'll steamroll over one another, both be upset, and both be convinced the other was wrong

Anyway so much of our relationship is me exasperated and explaining to partner what he needs to wear or do in guessing situations so things are SMOOTHER for him, and when I need something in an asking situation I let him take over for me as I struggle with passive voice