Types of men you will find on Bumble Pakistan, A Dissertation

The Perpetual College Student: This guy has not evolved past sophomore year. All his pictures are from shady raves he attended when he was 20 and he thinks people should be more chill and easy going like him which is code for 'i don't know how to handle adult responsibolities'

The Bitter Ex-Pat: Man's went to college abroad for like 2 years and has still not gotten over it. All his pictures are with white people, as if no other race exists in the US or UK, and all his conversations are about how repressive this country is. For him. A Punjabi CisHet man

The GymBro: Discovered working out a year ago and won't shut up about it. His whole personality is going to the gym and chugging protein shakes. All pictures are sweaty gym mirror selfies.usually sports a full beard, and his fave pastime is flexing his biceps.

The Stoner: OOFFF this man is so cool with his BoLd pictures rolling joints, or moody black and white shots of him smoking a joint. Fashion sense is evidently just the one dull blue/maroon hoodie and sweatpants. Usually refers to himself in the third person. Avoid.

The Doctor: This doctor isn't like OTHER doctors, he's a cool doctor. Will find a way to mention that his career in the first 3 mins of a conversation even tho it's in his bio, and he has two pics in scrubs already. 9 times out of 10 will actually be a self important med student

The EdgeLord: Will crudely inform you he's only looking for something casual, as if anyone lookin to marry his crusty ass. Will hold 'controversial' opinions like marriage should be outlawed, but ugh girls who sleep with guys before marrying are such sluts. Probably an MRA.

The LUMS grad: EVERY. SINGLE. PICTURE. IS. FROM. MAY. TRIP. AND. DAAKU. DAY. Will only pretend to have a personality until you give him your number, and then will inundate you with unending stories about LUMS and oh my god you didn't go to LUMS how sad for you???

The Normal Guy: Very rare species, and probably already your friend in real life. You swipe right on each other to be nice, bitch about Bumble in the bumble chat and move on with your life.

The Fake Profile: If it's a man, it's because he's trying to explore some real kinky fantasies and it's too dangerous to do that in Pakistan with your actual name and face. More power to them and any and all consenting partners

The Uncle: He is married. He has pics up with his kids. He is UNASHAMED that he is most definitely cheating on his wife here. Yikes, he is Nauman Ijaz.

The Rich Guy: All his pictures are in either exquisite foreign locations that you don't have a chance in hell of ever getting the visa to (ofc he has a British passport) or with beautiful, pure bred dogs. Impeccably groomed. Only here to swipe right on people he already knows.

The Awkward Guy: Has some bio up that's trying WAY too hard to be funny. Probably some 'reccomendation' from his mom. Will try to woo you with his knowledge of basic life skills like cooking. Thinks he's a huuuge feminist and will defo try to school you on your lived experiences

Colored Eyes Guy: He has colored Eyes, usually has fair skin, and is trying to break into modelling. Entitled to your attention because society has told him he is more beautiful than plain old brown people. Why is here, when arranged marriage market would be better for him??

Your Future Boyfriend: only one of these exists per 1500 guys on bumble and usually not worth the hassle. he's like a willy Wonka's golden ticket, he's great if you get him, but no need to go through 1500 chocolates to get to him

Pictorial evidence of the Anon Guy, the Doctor, the Awkward Guy and the EdgeLord. Literally found these in 25 seconds of swiping. When I say women are really goin THRUUU it in Pakistan....